my wife got a letter from Target about me

[Kiltedfirepiper]

Dear Mrs. Ellis,
Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Ellis has been causing quite a commotion in Target Department Store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores.
We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.
Three of our clerks are attending counselling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Ellis have been compiled and are listed below.And Please do not say " it wasnt him" as He's the only man we know of that comes here wearing a kilt

Mr. Ian MacDonald, Target Department Store Complaint Department

MEMO

Re: Mr. Ellis - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Ellis has done while his spouse is shopping:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of pineapple juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practised his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
(And; last, but not least!)
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited awhile; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here"!!!


ok this really didn't happen ...but it HAS given me ideas for what to do while my wife IS shopping !!!

Scott

[MacWage]

Now, THAT gives me a few ideas . . .

[Mike1]

Moved from general Kilt Talk to Off Topic.

[KiltedCodeWarrior]

Those are some good ideas. I think that I would like to combine 1 and 5! Imagine the look on the clerk's face at layaway

[auld argonian]

I would respectfully add:

16: Go to the pet department, stare at the gerbils for about 20 minutes and then ask the clerk if they have any more in the back with more meat on them.

(Not mine...heard it somewhere...and, of course, Target doesn't carry live animals in their pet department...only overpriced and unnecessary faux leopard skin coats for your Yorkie.)

Best

AA

[auld argonian]

Those are some good ideas. I think that I would like to combine 1 and 5! Imagine the look on the clerk's face at layaway

Double your fun by getting the wife/girlfriend to go along with you and be hanging on you and nuzzling your neck and ear and then, when you ask to put the box of condoms on layaway, have her say something like, "...well, couldn't they open the box and sell us just ONE now and we can come back for the rest another time?"

Best

AA

[MacTavishOfJapan]

Absolutely fantastic. Some great ideas!!!

[GMan]

Nothing out of the ordinary for me.

[Southern Breeze]

That's a good one! Thanks for the laugh.

[GlassMan]

That is absolutely hilarious!