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  1. #181
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  2. #182
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    I have got to find a smiley that works for that last statement!
    Dee

    Ferret ad astra virtus

  3. #183
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    OK how about this one :butt: and this one and this one


    Oh by the way

  4. #184
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    I'm baaack! Hopefully with my love interest Sissy Spacek, played by Sissy Spacek in the movie... Please Panache, please, please, please. I'll write nice things about you in my posts, and I'll totally trash Dee in your place.

  5. #185
    Panache's Avatar
    Panache is offline
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    Panache and the Great Hunt for the Acryli-Beast Chapter 22

    Panache and the Great Hunt for the Acryli-Beast

    A Victorian Tale of Horror told in Chapters


    Chapter 22


    “Put it on speaker”. The violinist did as instructed and a crackling noise sounded about the bridge of the Saltire. The violinist patiently adjusted various knobs trying to find the elusive signal amongst the static. As he did, Mr. Splash, Mr. BEEDEE, and Mr. Mender descended the ladder to join us. Finally, words became discernable in amongst the static. Our communication with the Maple Leaf was broken by bursts of static. The discourse of our talk went like this.

    Grant: “ ……..fierce storm…….penguins….You great bloody tartan twit……”

    Myself: “Grant what is your position?”

    Grant: “We have graciously decided………….……. allow you join our expedition…. ……..We will of course be in charge as befits our Royal status…………….…will allow you some position suitable to your skills and disposition…………………. Perhaps we will deign to allow you to be our cabin boy……you shall proceed to the Maple Leaf whence………… and loyal crew shall board your airship and we will assume command of the Saltire…….“

    Myself: “Grant what is your position? If you are in trouble we will render assistance. But frankly I’m going to put you all in the brig until we get back to civilization!”

    Aside I whispered to David “We have a brig don’t we?” David smiled evilly and nodded his head in the affirmative. "With chains!" he said with glee.

    Grant: “………will not tolerate such impudence! Who is the Queen here? ……………. … …our Royal command we order you to get over here immediately! You will turn over command of your Zeppelin to us! ……..then proceed to the Mountain and kill the Acryli-Beast and take its pelt for a sporran……………. It is our grand destiny……..We’ve no intention of letting a prat like you ….deny …………GORGEOUS, FLOWING, GOLDEN LOCKS AND FIRM ROUND BUTTOCKS I …”

    Improv (cutting off Grant): “GRANT I TOLD YOU IF YOU MENTIONED YOUR **** AND THE HAIR ON YOUR POINTY LITTLE HEAD AGAIN I WAS GOING TO TAKE THAT RUBBER CHICKEN AND SHOVE IT UP…….”

    Grant: “……We are NOT amused! ……….. UNHAND US!…………… BY MY GORGEOUS, FLOWING…. ( a burst of static cuts off Grant there is a a strange rubbery sound and a muffled scream.)

    Big Mikey: “Err…sorry ‘bout that. This here is Big Mikey and we are having a wee bit o’ trouble blimp-wise……….…..Grant promised us the repairs to the Maple Leaf were good enough for the trip to the pole and back, but it would appear the duck tape he used on the gas bag wasn’t quite up to the job. Most of it seems to have fallen off in the cold …and well… anyway we have had a another crash………..we are somewhere a few hours south from the mountain……… The Maple Leaf is wrecked for good this time, but on the whole we are alright. Improv, ScoutNiagra, Ricky, and the Reverend and I are all fine. Our Pilot MacHummel got a bit squished and the Captain hit his head and has gone all delusional…well, that is to say, more delusional. He swears he saw a flock of man eating penguins out the gondola window and now he has declared himself the Queen of the Arctic Circle…

    Grant: Do not mock us!

    ScoutNiagra: “Would you just shut up Grant!”

    Myself: “Where are you? Can you give us the coordinates of your current position?”

    Uncle Ricky: ….Big Mikey would you restrain her Majesty? …..Our position…… that’s a bit tricky……………. instruments got smashed in the wreck and our pilot, MacHummel, is still out….Something heavy fell on Pete during the crash..… well…actually Big Mikey fell on him………….. I’m sure he will be alright whenever he wakes up…………..that might be a while……….cold and we aren’t going to last long without aid………….hope you………………………………...........can’t be held responsible……….not our fault…………..Grant’s a wanker…………………….................................... .................................................. ........ need help…………………please assist………………………….

    The words were lost in a cacophony of static. After several moments of trying the violinist looked up from his instruments. “Sorry Captain, I’ve lost them!” he said.


    I regarded the crew there on the bridge, all eyes were on me as they waited for my response. My head dropped a little as I said “They must have gotten caught in the storm we have been trying to outrun. I’ve said it before, a sporran is not worth a human life. We will turn around and begin search and rescue operations“.

    David immediately argued “we can’t turn back and search for that idiot and his pirate crew! If you are going to get to that mountain, climb it, and be at the summit by nightfall you can’t afford to waste a moment!”

    “The Chief said this was the night to find the creature“ said McMurdo.

    “Und dieser Sturm kommt herauf schnelles!” added Todd for whatever that was worth.

    “Captain if I may offer an alternative?” interrupted Mr. BEEDEE to these deliberations.

    “Yes?”

    “Sir, the Sparrowhawks can cover a lot more territory faster than the Saltire. Mr. Splash, Mr. Mender and I can take out the biplanes and search south for the Maple Leaf. We will find them, pinpoint their position, and take along supplies that we can drop to get Grant and his team through the night.” he said.

    “Meanwhile you can take your plane to the mountain ahead of the Saltire. It will gain you a little time” suggested Mr. Splash.

    “We will do our best to find them and get back to the ship. We can pick them up after your hunt” added Mr. Mender.

    “What about pilots?” I asked.

    “We’ve all taken Alex’s Flying Airplanes Made Easy! correspondence course. We will pilot them ourselves” said Mr. Splash.

    “Our duty on this expedition is to protect this ship, her Captain, and her crew. It is only fitting that we do this ourselves and not put the crew or the ship at risk. We ask you Captain to have a little faith in us and let us do our jobs” said Mr. BEEDEE taking my own words and handing them back to me.

    I couldn’t argue and reluctantly agreed. I gave Todd his zeppelin Captain’s hat back. “The bridge is yours. I will proceed to the mountain. Follow us and keep an ear out for our security detail. I will send the plane back and signal you when and where to recover me.” “Gutes Glück mein Kapitän” replied Todd. I shook hands with him and David then exchanged salutes with my brave security team and McMurdo. I wished all success and with this I and my security ensigns marched to the hangar with Jake following after us.

    We boarded our aircraft. Jake thoughtfully drew his finger across his throat with one hand as he waved goodbye to me with the other. “Each to their Fate!“ I called out in a fit of bravado. With this our planes were lowered into the bitter white artic sky. Mr. BEEDEE, Mr. Splash, and Mr. Mender immediately turned their craft about and headed south. Though not instructed to, my pilot took our biplane in a slow circle around the magnificent blue zeppelin. At every window the crew was gathered waving and cheering. I saluted them all and then yelled defiantly above the howling wind “Onward! The Mountain awaits!”

    With this we sped towards the fog shrouded peak.

    To Be Continued
    Last edited by Panache; 2nd October 07 at 02:30 PM. Reason: Queen of the Arctic Circle?
    -See it there, a white plume
    Over the battle - A diamond in the ash
    Of the ultimate combustion-My panache

    Edmond Rostand

  6. #186
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    I HAVE RETURNED


  7. #187
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    Quote Originally Posted by ccga3359 View Post
    I HAVE RETURNED

    Please at least let there be a kilt under those robes and not one of those poncy English outfits with the stockings and the knee britches.

    Brian
    Commissioner - Clan MacRae Society of North America http://www.macrae.org/
    Scottish Heritage Society of Eastern North Carolina http://shsenc.org
    My Bread Baking Blog http://farmhousebakery.blogspot.com/
    In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

  8. #188
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    Quote Originally Posted by BEEDEE View Post
    Please at least let there be a kilt under those robes and not one of those poncy English outfits with the stockings and the knee britches.

    Brian
    It is not poncy English outfits, it is poncy BRITISH oufits and yes I am. Often times I can be found reaching for my knee britches rather than a kilt .

  9. #189
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    Quote Originally Posted by Panache View Post
    Panache and the Great Hunt for the Acryli-Beast

    A Victorian Tale of Horror told in Chapters


    Chapter 22

    Improv (cutting off Grant): “GRANT I TOLD YOU IF YOU MENTIONED YOUR **** AND THE HAIR ON YOUR POINTY LITTLE HEAD AGAIN I WAS GOING TO TAKE THAT RUBBER CHICKEN AND SHOVE IT UP…….”
    Captured me quite nicely there Panache! Have you been eavesdropping on our SOKS kilt nights?
    "Durum Patientia Frango" (By patience I break what is hard) Clan Muir Muir motto
    "Do well, and let them say - Gordon!"
    "I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members" My hero, Groucho Marx

  10. #190
    Panache's Avatar
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    Panache and the Great Hunt for the Acryli-Beast Chapter 23

    Panache and the Great Hunt for the Acryli-Beast

    A Victorian Tale of Horror told in Chapters


    Chapter 23

    We left the mighty Saltire far behind as we flew North through a cold gray sky. By mid-morning our little plane had reached our destination. Projecting outwards from the thick fog that cloaked the mountain I spied sharp points of enormous slabs of ice. The peak seemed to be made of some insane jumble of titanic ice crystals that glowed dimly in the reflected weak light of the sun. I had directed my pilot to land as near to base of the mound as safety would allow. She selected a spot about a mile away from the Mountain. She apologized but due to the extreme fog at the peak’s base she was wary of attempting to land closer. I gathered my gear and exited the craft onto the frozen plain.

    Stepping onto the icy surface my legs were enveloped by a thick low mist that covered them to the ankles. Immediately I was struck by a strange feeling of dizziness. In taking my first step I experienced a moment of the sensation of vertigo. There was some hazy and disorienting quality to this place that created a sensation of unreality. It was if I had somehow stumbled into a dream.

    Or a nightmare.

    My pilot, a handsome, thin and athletic woman who I knew to be fifty years of age, but possessing some inner luminosity that made her appear decades younger, wished to wait for me whilst I hunted. “I’m clarinetist, I play a woodwind. I’m used to danger!” she bravely offered. I shook my head “No, I want you to return to the zeppelin”, I firmly commanded and gave her a salute. She saluted back and fired up the Sparrowhawk’s engine. I watched the plane take flight and head Southward. I adjusted my pack and gave my weapons a final check before setting off toward the Mountain at the Top of the World.

    The cold was bitter but my heavy winter kilt and thick hooded jacket kept me reasonably comfortable. There were strong winds that seemed to come whistling from all directions blowing small shards of ice that decreased visibility and necessitated the use of protective goggles over my eyes. Between the winds and the cold my progress was slow but steady. Halfway to the mountain I came upon a most curious and unnerving sight. For a wooden sailing ship lay before me, imprisoned in the ice. A few tattered and frozen remnants of her rigging and sails still clung to her masts. From her design I estimated she must have been built sometime during the mid 1700’s. Across her ice covered bow could be discerned her name, The Octavius. “How long ago has it been since you sailed away from Portsmouth, never to return? ” I whispered touching the ice encrusted wood. It was then that a chilling sound filled my ears and all thoughts of exploring this derelict evaporated. It was an alien, eldritch , wide-ranging piping sound -“Tekeli-li! Tekeli-li!” I grabbed my rifle and held it at the ready, looking for the source of the strange spine chilling noise.

    There was none to be found, I stood alone on the desolate arctic wasteland.

    As I looked at the Octavius it seemed like someone whispered in my ear, “There is an old, simple axiom about the dead: don’t disturb them, not for any reason at all.”

    I recalled what I said to Jake aboard the Saltire, and knew in my very soul that I should heed my own words and not remain in this place. I hurried onward and left the ghost ship and her secrets to remain entombed in the polar ice.

    Coming to the foot of the mountain I discovered that my aerial observations had proved correct. The entire mist shrouded mound was made of a most unnatural collection of giant interlocking shards of ice crystals. More disturbing than speculation on what freak geological phenomena could have created such a strange feature here on this barren arctic plains, was the abnormal non-Euclidean geometry of the angles formed by the mammoth blocks of ice. Like some immense impossible lithograph of that Dutch artist Mr. Escher made real, the mountain towered above me. There was naught for me to do but begin my climb. Though steep I was able to slowly find a narrow path through the giant shards and make my way upwards. There were a myriad of caves formed by these intersections of ice crystals. The mountain must have been riddled with them. I was most cautious in my ascent. I was greatly a-feared that I should be swallowed up and lost forever by some angle of crystal which shouldn’t…couldn’t exist, for here there were angles which were acute, but in manner acted as if obtuse. My progress was painfully slow. The bitter cold crept into my joints and my steps were unsteady whilst my fingers had trouble keeping their grip. My stamina and strength were sorely taxed by the chill and I was forced to stop and rest often. Worse yet was the effect of the low temperature on my already somewhat addled senses. I could not discard the feeling of being observed by some malignant entity. After several hours of slow progress I had reached a point some two thirds up the mountainside. I collapsed my weary frame on a small ledge not completely certain I had the strength to continue.

    “There's two things that just can't be rushed - anyone who is paid by the hour, and a climb up an arctic mountain that shouldn’t be there in the first place” , came a voice from above me.

    Startled I looked up to see a most extraordinary figure standing on the ledge above mine. It was a red haired man wearing a rumpled seersucker suit, an unattractive straw boater hat, and tennis shoes. He seemed oblivious to the sub zero temperature and squatted down on his heels to regard me with a smile.

    “You aren’t real! You are a hallucination, a fluke of my imagining.” I cried with my teeth chattering.

    “I love flukes! I've written some of my best stories about flukes” , the man replied.

    I refused to succumb to madness like Grant and rose to my feet. “I have come this far and I will finish what I started!” I screamed at this figment of my all but frozen brain.

    “If you want a job done right, you just have to foul it up yourself.” , said the man, nodding. With this he stood as well and vanished. I made my way up to the ledge above and found it empty. But his voice whispered a warning in my ear “Don't linger in the shadows”.

    Finding within myself the strength to go on I set forth to finish my ascent. I was determined to get to the mountain top. Though the wind rose as the arctic storm boiled over the horizon to engulf the mountain, defiantly, I continued. As evening came, and the storm raged, I stood at the zenith of the Mountain at the Top of the World! I felt neither the wind nor the cold, but only the primal exhilaration of the hunter. Scanning the skies it was impossible to tell if the Saltire had yet reached the peak, so great was the blizzard in sound and fury. I hoped Todd had taken the airship to a safe elevation to avoid the storm's wrath. So there at this lonely perch I patiently waited till night fell and the weak lights of the Aurora Borealis appeared faintly overhead. The time had come. I drew the fetish from my belt and waved it to the sky with my left hand (as I had the great rifle tucked under my right arm).

    Then above the wind’s howl came an answer to my challenge. A screeching roar filled my ears and struck fear into my very heart as I heard the cry of the Acryli-Beast! I dropped the fetish and held my rifle ready. The question of who was hunter and who the hunted was about to be answered. My eyes scanned back and forth as I waited for it to appear. The creature's cry sounded again and my flesh went prickly with goosebumps. To myself, I offered the meager assurance “At least it isn’t another damned flying squirrel!”. And then from a cave some twenty feet below me the Acryli-Beast emerged!



    To Be Continued
    Last edited by Panache; 5th October 07 at 11:49 AM. Reason: And now we shall see what we shall see..
    -See it there, a white plume
    Over the battle - A diamond in the ash
    Of the ultimate combustion-My panache

    Edmond Rostand

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