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  1. #1
    Join Date
    5th August 11
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    The Scots stand out.

    ...The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."


    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels ..


    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.


    Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.


    Regards,
    John Cleese ,
    British writer, actor and tall person

  2. The Following 4 Users say 'Aye' to cck For This Useful Post:


  3. #2
    Join Date
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    Yes, I got this through email a week ago, and meant to post it here. Threat level raised from pissed off to let's get the bastards. Gotta love it.

    Frank
    Ne Obliviscaris

  4. #3
    Join Date
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    Hilarious, and will be hiding under the stairs anticipating a nationalistic backlash. Now I live in a bungalow and am having problems locating the stairs. Dagnabbit!!!!
    Friends stay in touch on FB simon Taylor-dando
    Best regards
    Simon

  5. #4
    Join Date
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    I was chuckling all the way to the following, then I started laughing out loud to the point of my co-worker inquiring about my sanity.

    Quote Originally Posted by cck View Post

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
    Can't fault that observation from the tower!

    I really enjoyed that; thanks for posting.

    Nile
    Simon Fraser fought as MacShimidh, a Highland chief… wrapped and belted in a plaid over the top of his linen shirt, like his ordinary kinsmen. He put a bonnet on his head, and stuck the Fraser emblem, a sprig of yew, in it. With the battle cry, A'Chaisteal Dhunaidh and the scream of the pipes, they charged to battle. "The Last Highlander" Sara Fraser

  6. #5
    Join Date
    28th May 13
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    I'm still chuckling!
    "Good judgement comes from experience, and experience
    well, that comes from poor judgement."
    A. A. Milne

  7. #6
    Join Date
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    Nile , Liam ,

    Ditto !!! I started out chuckling and am still laughing .

    Grizzly ,

    I didn't realize folks across the pond used the term " Dagnabbit " . Perhaps we are not " two countries separated by a common language " after all .
    Mike Montgomery
    Clan Montgomery Society , International

  8. #7
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    Rather disdainful of some good people . . . .
    Rev'd Father Bill White: Retired Parish Priest & Elementary Headmaster, lover of God, people (most of them!) dogs, joy, humour & clarity. Legion Padre, theologian, teacher, philosopher, linguist, dreamer, traditionalist, bon-vivant, encourager of hearts & souls & a firm believer in dignity, decency, & duty. A proud Canadian Sinclair.

  9. The Following 3 Users say 'Aye' to Father Bill For This Useful Post:


  10. #8
    Join Date
    5th August 11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Father Bill View Post
    Rather disdainful of some good people . . . .
    Humor is a problem when it focuses on an individual or group. My apologies to any who may have been offended. My intention was to show the view of the Scots. To my knowledge, this was not written by a Scot.

  11. #9
    Join Date
    28th May 13
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    Quote Originally Posted by cck View Post
    Humor is a problem when it focuses on an individual or group. My apologies to any who may have been offended. My intention was to show the view of the Scots. To my knowledge, this was not written by a Scot.
    As a comedian John Cleese tend to poke fun at himself and his fellow Englishmen and others in a way that I doubt many are truly offended. If you are offended, perhaps thicker skin is in order, or at least put on your 16 oz. kilt for protection.
    "Good judgement comes from experience, and experience
    well, that comes from poor judgement."
    A. A. Milne

  12. #10
    Join Date
    19th May 08
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    In various forms, this has circulated the 'Net for several years. IIRC it has been posted at XMarks at least once in the past with similar discussion following. BTW it was not penned by John Cleese (see Snopes and, according to them, Cleese's own website).

    Things to remember:

    Humor is a very personal matter, difficult to convey in the ether.

    This is an international forum with members from each of the many nations mentioned.

    How would you react to an "ugly American" version of this material?
    Proudly Duncan [maternal], MacDonald and MacDaniel [paternal].

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