Some Tuesday morning levity...At war!!

**Mr. Kilt** · 28th February 06, 05:36 AM

The French President Chirac, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.

"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This
is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am
ringing to inform you that we are
officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important
news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's
calculation, "there is meself, me cousin Sean, me next door
neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from
the pub. That makes eight!"

Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000
men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac,
the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry
equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm
tractor."

Chirac sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have
6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I
have increased my army to 150,000
since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to
you."

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac,
the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves
airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light
with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys
from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!"

Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his
throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and
200 fighter planes. My military bases
are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to
200,000!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring
you back."

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the
mornin', Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have
had to call off the war."

"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the
sudden change of heart?"

"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of
Guinness, and we decided there is no fookin' way we can
feed 200,000 prisoners

:rolleyes:

**Mike n NC** · 28th February 06, 05:46 AM

Kinda reminds me of the line from WWII; "They got us surrounded, the poor bastidts."

Great joke Al, thanks for a good start to the morning!

Mike

**davedove** · 28th February 06, 05:52 AM

Originally Posted by Mike n NC

Kinda reminds me of the line from WWII; "They got us surrounded, the poor bastidts."

There is one advantage to being surrounded: Any direction you shoot, you will hit the enemy.

**646guy** · 28th February 06, 06:31 AM

As someone who works for a French Bank this is HYSTERICAL....

**Southern Breeze** · 28th February 06, 07:01 AM

Thats a good one!

As many are aware, the French government recently announced a raise in its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The normal level is "General Arrogance", and the only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

**davedove** · 28th February 06, 07:07 AM

Originally Posted by Southern Breeze

Thats a good one!

As many are aware, the French government recently announced a raise in its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The normal level is "General Arrogance", and the only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

Oh my Lord, that is hilarious!

**646guy** · 28th February 06, 12:10 PM

*at work at the French bank snickering*

**toadinakilt** · 28th February 06, 12:24 PM

Yeesh. I love poking fun at the French...they just sort of invite it...I hope nobody gets offended...

**cajunscot** · 28th February 06, 12:38 PM

I'm sorry, but I don't find French-bashing particularly funny. My wife has had some pretty nasty things said to her in regards to her Cajun French heritage the last several years. She is proud of her heritage, just as I am proud of my Scottish blood. -- our marriage is the "Auld Alliance", so to speak.

Cajuns for many years were not allowed to speak French in school, or celebrate their heritage and were forced to assimilate to Anglo culture. Even the name "Cajun" was originally a perjorative one that has only recently been changed to a positive connotation. So when the recent round of anti-French bashing started, many Cajuns were afraid that those days had returned. It's bad enough that Cajuns are lampooned as white-trash swamp rats in the popular media.

Sorry if I'm being "thin-skinned" here, but I've seen my wife hurt by people who think making fun of another culture makes them somehow more "patriotic".

The joke, btw, is based on a real-life incident at Arnhem in the Netherlands in 1944, when the Germans demanded the surrender of British parachutists. A British officer reportedly responded, "I'm sorry, we don't have the facilities to take you all prisoner!" This is dramatized in the movie "A Bridge too Far".

Regards,

Todd