Panache and the Great Hunt for the Acryli-Beast

[Mike1]

How I 'discovered' your little plan?!? As if your pitiful attempts at secrecy may have disillusioned me, eh?

Do you not yet understand that I see all?

[The Wizard of BC]

"The Wizard beamed with pride. “This is one of my greatest creations. Over 500 gallons of coffee is maintained at piping hot temperatures inside that chamber without burning the brew. It is distributed throughout my laboratory by this system of pipes.”

Well, now that you have let the cat out of the bag and blabbed to the entire world about my "FK Coffee Delivery System" (patent pending) I have been inundated with PM's and e-mails asking for me to install them for others.

I believe that if I ever fail miserably as a kiltmaker that I have a fall back career.

I have worked out a way to install "The System" using a Geothermal water source for heat and pure, naturally filtered, water. Then using a solar roasting platform which combines electric generation to operate the pumps and an old ceiling fan to evenly rake the beans while roasting, I then pipe the coffee through the entire house in a system of heat dissipation panels which are used as central heating similar to radiators. Each spigot is controlled by a laser sensing beam that eliminates the need for manual buttons or levers to dispense the coffee.
I believe that "The System" will appeal to those interested in "Green" technology as it uses no outside power, water, or other utilities. In fact you can sell the excess electricity back to the power company thereby not only paying for itself but creating enough income to pay for the coffee beans.

Captain Panache, I have installed "The System" throughout the Saltaire. During your arduous journey you will need the heat to keep the valves of the musicians instruments from freezing and the coffee will boost the moral of your crew. As you depart Victoria and cruise north I will wave you on your way from my loggia knowing that the intrepid crew of the Saltaire will not be hardshipped by lukewarm or stale coffee.

And the 100,000 candlepower scrolling marquee I installed along the sides of the Saltaire proclaiming "Powered by the FK Coffee Delivery System, get yours now, Visa and Master Card accepted" will serve as a beacon to the world.

Bon Voyage, my new friends, and may your search be a boon to sporran wearers everywhere.

[BEEDEE]

Wizard - thank you, thank you, thank you!!

That instant coffee that they served on the Saltaire just was not going to do. Your generosity has single handedly stopped a potential mutiny by the members on board of IGCDA (pronounced ig-ca-da) the International Genuine Coffee Drinkers Association.

Brian

[Weasel Mender]

Let me add my thanks to those of ME. Beedee!!!!!!!! I was suffering horribly from the ersatz brown mung that was represented to be coffe......gotta run cup empty and it is 4 feet to the spigot

Mr. Mender

[mkmound]

"The Wizard beamed with pride. “This is one of my greatest creations. Over 500 gallons of coffee is maintained at piping hot temperatures inside that chamber without burning the brew. It is distributed throughout my laboratory by this system of pipes.”

. . .

I have worked out a way to install "The System" using a Geothermal water source for heat and pure, naturally filtered, water. Then using a solar roasting platform which combines electric generation to operate the pumps and an old ceiling fan to evenly rake the beans while roasting, I then pipe the coffee through the entire house in a system of heat dissipation panels which are used as central heating similar to radiators. Each spigot is controlled by a laser sensing beam that eliminates the need for manual buttons or levers to dispense the coffee.
I believe that "The System" will appeal to those interested in "Green" technology as it uses no outside power, water, or other utilities. In fact you can sell the excess electricity back to the power company thereby not only paying for itself but creating enough income to pay for the coffee beans.

Captain Panache, I have installed "The System" throughout the Saltaire. During your arduous journey you will need the heat to keep the valves of the musicians instruments from freezing and the coffee will boost the moral of your crew. As you depart Victoria and cruise north I will wave you on your way from my loggia knowing that the intrepid crew of the Saltaire will not be hardshipped by lukewarm or stale coffee.

And the 100,000 candlepower scrolling marquee I installed along the sides of the Saltaire proclaiming "Powered by the FK Coffee Delivery System, get yours now, Visa and Master Card accepted" will serve as a beacon to the world.

Bon Voyage, my new friends, and may your search be a boon to sporran wearers everywhere.

Hmmmmm . . .

A geothermal water source for a zeppelin . . . most remarkable!! Even having met Steve in person, I obviously never even got beyond a glimmer of his engineering brilliance!! Cheers, Steve!!

[Splash_4]

Let me add my thanks to those of ME. Beedee!!!!!!!! I was suffering horribly from the ersatz brown mung that was represented to be coffe......gotta run cup empty and it is 4 feet to the spigot

Mr. Mender

And while I do not drink the vile stuff, the aroma reminds me of home and a warm wife!

[Panache]

Panache and the Great Hunt for the Acryli-Beast

A Victorian Tale of Horror told in Chapters

Chapter 15

It was a bit of an excursion to reach The Empress Hotel from the Wizard of B.C.’s shop. Yet it felt good to walk again on the solid ground. After almost an hour’s trek we arrived at the gorgeous old structure. Known as “The Jewel of the Pacific” , the grand Edwardian Style hotel overlooked the inner harbor of Victoria and it was renown far and wide for it’s elegant afternoon High Tea. I had some doubts as to our likelihood of being served, as reservations are always required and often difficult to obtain. I have heard tell of parents in Victoria often making reservations for their children shortly after their birth in the hope that they will be able to take tea there whilst still in their early twenties.

When we arrived at the Hotel’s grand foyer David assured us that there was always a very good table available wherever he went. He went to speak to the maitre’ de and after but a few minutes of conversation we were lead into a huge dining room with vaulted ceilings to the very best table available. It lay directly underneath a beautiful and massive antique crystal chandelier. Having not taken tea there before I could not discern if the high level of service we received from the maitre’ de and wait staff was standard for the Empress, or due perhaps to the fact that staff seemed to be under the impression that Todd was the President of Burundi. I raised an eyebrow at David who shrugged his shoulders in return.

There is little in this world more elegant, refined, and soothing as a High Tea. The three of us savored the most delicate brew that was served to us in fine porcelain. Leisurely we sampled and greatly enjoyed the berries and Chantilly cream, scones, crumpets, preserves, sandwiches, pastries and tarts that accompanied it. We momentarily forgot the rigors of the expedition and spoke together simply as friends.

In such a pleasant manner we occupied our time for more than two hours before I regretfully pulled out one of the maps we had been given by the cantankerous, yet helpful kilt maker.
Spreading it out among the tea things we began to discuss in earnest our flight plan. Our deliberations came to a sudden stop by a curious sound…

Squeak!

It sounded like the squeaky front wheel of a child’s rusted tricycle.

Squeak!

Looking around we saw that all the other patrons of the Empress had stopped in mid conversation to look about and listen to the strange and incongruous sound that had penetrated such elegant surroundings.

Squeak! "OOOMMMMPPPHHHH!" A man’s loud groan sounded as the squeak abruptly stopped.

A small child at a nearby table suddenly pointed up. “Mommy what’s that big man in the skirt doing up there?” she exclaimed to her startled mother.

All eyes looked heavenward to see a most unusual sight. For hanging high directly above us by a thick rope tied around his middle was a very large kilted man. He was of massive girth and clad in huge black work boots, a black kilt, and a heavy black wool sweater like those normally worn by British Commandos. Though such sweaters, at least when worn by the soldiers of her Majesty's armed forces seldom are embroidered with a large red “B. M.“ across the chest. Perhaps the strangest part of the man’s dress was the large black leather bag-like sporran he had pulled over his head to his brow. Whether this was a failing attempt to conceal his features or some hitherto unknown fashion trend was debatable.

The rope tied round his middle extended upwards and went through a small pulley attached to the crystal chandelier. The end of the rope was in his hands. Apparently he must have thought to lower himself stealthily down to our table without detection. Or at least with as little detection as a 300 lb. gentleman clad in a black kilted commando uniform wearing a sporran on his head lowering himself from a chandelier could hope for. From his grunting efforts and tugging motion of his arms it would seem that the rope had gotten stuck in the pulley leaving him dangling some twenty feet still above our table.

He twitched his large bushy grey mustache as he realized that the had the undivided attention of the entire dining room. Nonchalantly he began to whistle in the vain hope that the assembled diners would resume their normal activities. Needless to say our attention did not waver from the spectacle.

With an exasperated growl he gave the rope a mighty jerk. While failing to free the stuck rope from the pulley the large man did succeed in freeing the chandelier from the ceiling. He and the great light fell directly onto our table with a shattering crash!

David, Todd, and I were knocked from seats to the floor at the impact. Miraculously the large man immediately stood up from the ruin of the chandelier and shrugging off the rope grabbed our Map! We scrambled to our feet but the intruder had already fled. "Thief! Stop him! " Todd screamed.

The wait staff of the Empress were obviously not going to let the President of Burundi be robbed without a fight. A large group of waiters and bus boys closed together as they ran at the thief head on. The intruder would have made a fair Tighthead Prop as he lowered his head and crashed through the scrum of waiters with the map clenched in his hand. There was a lot of pushing and shoving but the big man’s strength was not to be held in check. Even the emergence of several large dishwashers from the kitchen to act as Blindside Flankers couldn’t slow the thief for long. He knocked over the last of the brave staff members and sprinted toward a large balcony overlooking the bay with we three Moderators in fast pursuit.

To our amazement the big man pushed open the glass door, stepped out onto the balcony, and without a pause leaped over the railing!

As David, Todd, and I came to a skidding halt at the railing we heard the thrum of powerful motors and saw the big man dangling from a rope ladder midair before us. Above floated a twin engine blimp that was painted red both fore and aft, whilst in the middle it was white with a great red maple leaf emblazoned in the center. The thief climbed the ladder to board the craft’s gondola. Once he had entered a familiar figure came to stand in the portal with a sneer on his face. A voice screamed over the sound of the engines.

“YOU FOOLS! BY MY GORGEOUS, FLOWING, GOLDEN LOCKS AND FIRM ROUND BUTTOCKS I NOW HAVE THE MAP! HA HA HA HA HA HA! “ Grant cackled madly.




To Be Continued

[McMurdo]

I see that in my absence my nemesis has been busy, I am however surprised that Grant's zeppelin does not have the cross of St. George emblazoned across it as he is English.

[starbkjrus]

Was there a rubber chicken involved?

[Wompet]

My good Panache,
I hesitate to offer this correction, not being a seafaring nor airfaring man, but one prefers terrier firma, but if I may interpose - surely you meant that blimp of that deviant Grant was painted red both fore and aft? For as you describe his vessel, it was white all over, except for the stern (aft) and mapleleaf. Knowing the obsession that Grant, poor demented soul that he is, has for the Mapleleaf, it would seem more likely that the ship's markings would mirror those of the Canadian flag.

Your most obedient servant,
W.Ompet