20th March 05, 02:38 PM
I have been considering this post for a long time, so I don't want this construed as a knee jerk reaction to Dana and Cavscout's problems with their wives. Finally the poor schlub with the e-bay auction (which may have just been a marketing ploy in all honesty) tipped the balance.
When I bought my first Utilikilt my wife thought I was an idiot (not surprising, she usually thinks I'm an idiot, I'm just her idiot). We actually had a talk about weather on not I would wear it, and I admit that I had some aprehension in that area as well. However, I decided that I wanted to try (I did have a tank at this point that I wore about 2-3 times a year), and I spent my money on it (more on this later). Well I got it, and imediatly got hooked. She still thought it was a little weird at first, but has never shown any reluctance at going out with me in it.
However, there are times when she does request me not to wear a kilt (of any kind, and I have 12 at the moment). There has yet to be a time when she has asked that I have refused, but at the same time there has never been a time that I wouldn't have worn a kilt had she not asked (most reciently to an evert where I was asked by 3 different people, "Where's the kilt?"). These times all involve her work (usually with doners - she is a fundraiser in the non profid world) and I think that she is afraid that people will judge her based on me.
So all in all I'm lucky that I have a fairly suportive wife. But I think back to when I first started wearing kilts on a regular (and now daily) basis, and had she said, "Not in my lifetime," I honestly think that my reaction would have been, "Well you know where the door is." I love my wife very much, but that kind of ultimatum (even over a kilt) is BS. A response of, "Please don't wear that around me," however would have been respected by me and I would have compromised, not wearing it around her, not talking about them. A comprmise never starts with, "Do what I say or else." and frankly if a marriage is on such shaky ground that wearing a kilt is the final straw, it probably something better off ended anyway.
Now, I do slightly understand Cavscout's explaining that money is a factor. Kilts are expensive. You notice that I said I spent my money on my first UK not house money. Money is always a factor in any marrage (unless you're stupidly rich), so I'd like to share how we work it out. Basically all money we earn goes to the house, and all bills are paid, and they we have budgeted an allowance for each of us (the same ammount). We can buy what ever we want with our money (technically if she wants crack and I want hookers - it's out money). Tipically she spends her money doing things (yoga class, dinner out with her friends), and I spend it buying things (kilts, DVD's, Pez - ok I'm a geek). I have to date bought (or recieved as gifts) all the kilts I have except for the Tank. She also usually buys clothing that is slightly extravagent (I mean does she really need another pair of $150 boots) herself.
Anyway, I guess my point is that a strong marriage can withstand real compromise, but if the compromise is, "My way or the highway," then you should take the highway.
20th March 05, 07:51 PM
Wow... Being one of the more recent members of this particular forum, I missed the thread's begining. However, after reading through all of the postings, the number one thing I see, regardless of how it is put into words, is the members look out and support each other.
I wish I had a story to tell, or advice to give on how to handle the situation. But I've been kilted for a few years now, and the only people who had to adjust to my everyday wearing it were my parents and relatives, who got over it rather quickly. I wear kilts frequently enough that girls I meet know what they getting into before I date them. So all I can offer is my support and admiration that you are still active on the site.
Slán agus beannacht
"I don't know what to say to anyone and as soon as I open my mouth they'll say, Oh, you're Irish, and I'll have to explain how that happened." - F McCourt
5th April 05, 02:07 PM
It's now been quite a while since this post began and I believe that Dana may have some news for us. Am I mistaken when I ask if the weekend you were supposed to have licence to wear the kilt has just recently past? I'm sure I'm not the only one has been curious about your plight, Dana. Let us know if there is new news.
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."
6th April 05, 05:30 AM
Originally Posted by Geoduck
I'm a bit reluctant to post on this subject again remembering some of the comments on the orignal post. But I guess I'll give an update.
I did attend tartan day in St. Charles on Saturday, but unfortunately I was un-kilted (picture in the meet and greet gallery). I met XMarks member Todd there and had a great time talking with him. My wife did attend with me, but she was less than enthusiastic about the whole thing. She still does not like kilts and is very opposed to me wearing one.
We had a lengthy "discussion" on Sunday about the subject and for the foreseeable future I won't be wearing a kilt. I know some members won't agree with the decision, but I don't feel it's worth pushing the subject. There are things very much more important than me wearing a kilt.
I am going to contribute here less frequently because I'm not sure I have a lot to contribute to the site. I will drop in from time to time just to see what's going on. I'm not giving up my interest in kilts or my desire to have one, but for now I'll just admire them without participating.
Thanks for all your support.
6th April 05, 05:41 AM
It was nice to put a "face to the name", so to speak, & get to meet Dana at the Tartan Day parade in St. Charles on Saturday -- my only regret is that I look terrible in the photo dana posted -- just off the march, and disheveled -- not to mention that I do not own a pair of casual black shoes!
Saturday was my first time wearing my new Freelander, though -- they are truly worth all of the endorsements and recommendations others have made on this board...but that's for another post in the near future!
dana has had to make a difficult decision, but the correct one, and I support him. dana, don't disappear, though -- you're always welcome here, at least in my opinion!
6th April 05, 06:33 AM
I'm in agreement with that. Stick around Dana. It's always good to hear from you, kilted or not.
Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life take big bites. Moderation is for monks.
6th April 05, 07:30 AM
With the less than blinding speed some of us type, some of us have spent lots of time encouraging you to stick around. Don't let all those hours go to waste!!!!
Don't go away Dana! Don't leave! (Whined in the best Brandon De Wilde fashion.)
6th April 05, 08:09 AM
Sorry to hear
Well you know what they say
Happy wife, Happy Life
Good luck to you
6th April 05, 09:06 AM
I honor your decision, knowing how tough it must have been, but regardless, you are still my kilted brother!
A Life Lived in Fear, Is a Life Half Lived.
6th April 05, 09:37 AM
Like macgreggor and Declan, I am really new to the site. I'm really impressed with all the posts in this thread, all with your best interests at heart. You've made your decision, and you have my support for what it's worth.
All the best,
"Touch not the cat bot a glove."