Redneck Tech

[Southern Breeze]

Here's a gem from my e mail.

Redneck Tech

1. LOG ON: Makin a wood stove hotter.
2. LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.
3. MONITOR: Keepin an eye on the wood stove.
4. DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk.
5. MEGA HERTZ: When yer not kerful gettin the farwood.
6. FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood.
7. RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood.
8. HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time.
9. PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time.
10. WINDOWS: Whut to shut wen it's cold outside.
11. SCREEN: Whut to shut wen it's blak fly season.
12. BYTE: Whut them dang flys do.
13. CHIP: Munchies fer the TV.
14. MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag.
15. MODEM: Whut cha did to the hay fields.
16. DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife.
17. LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.
18. KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the dang keys.
19. SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifs.
20. MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn.
21. MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof.
22. PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine
23. ENTER: Northerner talk fer "C'mon in y'all"
24. RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: Wen ya cain't 'member whut ya paid fer the rifle when yore wife asks.
25. MOUSE PAD : Hippie talk fer the rat hole.

[MNlad]

Flash drive: What we here calls moonin'.
Backup: What ya duz with tha truck when yer stuck in the mud.
In the cloud: Where ya is when ya had too much moonshine.
Terabyte: What ya takes when yer friend offers ya some jerky.
Hardware: Screws 'n nuts and that such stuff.
Software: Flannel.
Bad code: What ya gets from wadin' through the crick in January.
Google: What ya duz through yer cousin Betsy's winder.
Browser: Same as Google, only ya takes yer time.

[McElmurry]

Mixing rednecks and geeks...what could possibly go wrong.

You might be a redneck Jedi if:

1. You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
2. Your Jedi robe is camouflage
3. You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill, or Mad Dog 20-20.
4. At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
5. You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
6. You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
7. You have ever had an X-Wing up on blocks in your yard.
8. The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
9. Wookies are offended by your B.O.
10. You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
11. You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
12. Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the darkside... it'll be a hoot."
13. You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defenseelectro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
14. You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your landspeeder.
15. You think Han Solo would look better in flannel cause he looks a little sissy in that vest.
16. You ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
17. You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to slide in through the window.
19. You ever fell in love with your sister.
20. You have ever referred to Darth Vader's evil empire as "them damn Yankees."
21. You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
22. You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck.
23. You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks during the cantina scene.
24. In your opinion, that Darth Vader fellow "just ain't right."

http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/11482.html

[piperdbh]

Southern Breeze went into a store advertising the new Windows. After looking around and seeing only computer stuff, he started to walk back out. A young feller workin' there says, "Are you interested in the new Windows?" Southern Breeze says, "No, what I really need is a new door."

[Southern Breeze]

Southern Breeze went into a store advertising the new Windows. After looking around and seeing only computer stuff, he started to walk back out. A young feller workin' there says, "Are you interested in the new Windows?" Southern Breeze says, "No, what I really need is a new door."

Now I know who that clerk was!