What to do

**Dirk95** · 5th March 19, 10:22 AM

Hi All,
What to do when you see something not quite right. My wife and I were at a vvblack tie do last weekend and there was another couple of kilts there and I noticed that one of the guys kilts was not sitting quite right on the guy, so when he turned around I noticed he had placed the kilt pin right on the hem and not only that but through both aprons. The kilt in that area was a little bunched up as well, so when I had a chance to talk to him as he asked about my kilt the usual questions I told him very quietly that his kilt pin was pulling the kilt and if he wasn't careful it would tear the aprons, I explained what to do it was obvious that he was very new to wearing highland dress we had a good chat about kilts and putting it on. What would you guys do in the same situation.
Dirk95

**Father Bill** · 5th March 19, 10:23 AM

Sounds like you handled it well, working it in gently. Did you point him to XMarks?

**Tarheel** · 5th March 19, 03:12 PM

I have the same questions and response as Father Bill. Well done.

**Dirk95** · 6th March 19, 03:14 AM

Hi Father Bill and Tarheel.
Thank you for the replies, he was very appreciative when I explained things to him,and yes I did drop a hint to Xmarks the Scot so we will see ,even his wife was enthusiastic about him wearing the kilt more. This was at Masonic do and they said they have a few black tie functions to go.
Dirk95

**imbrius** · 6th March 19, 07:53 AM

Originally Posted by Dirk95

Hi Father Bill and Tarheel.
Thank you for the replies, he was very appreciative when I explained things to him,and yes I did drop a hint to Xmarks the Scot so we will see ,even his wife was enthusiastic about him wearing the kilt more. This was at Masonic do and they said they have a few black tie functions to go.
Dirk95

Probably about 90% of the black tie events I attend are Masonic. Really outside academia and military, it's the only wide swath of U.S. Society that regularly uses a formality level above "professional".

**Tobus** · 6th March 19, 12:13 PM

Originally Posted by Dirk95

What to do when you see something not quite right.

Being completely honest here, I usually just mind my own business. If I know the person well enough to have such a familiar conversation with them, I might suggest how to correct an issue. But I'm not one to approach strangers and let them know when they're doing it wrong, even in a friendly/helpful way. It's just not my personality type to do so, and besides, sometimes people get downright offended and defensive about these sorts of things.

**FossilHunter** · 6th March 19, 01:24 PM

Originally Posted by Tobus

Being completely honest here, I usually just mind my own business. If I know the person well enough to have such a familiar conversation with them, I might suggest how to correct an issue. But I'm not one to approach strangers and let them know when they're doing it wrong, even in a friendly/helpful way. It's just not my personality type to do so, and besides, sometimes people get downright offended and defensive about these sorts of things.

I generally feel the same way.

However I think the OP did the right thing since the pin had a chance of damaging an expensive kilt.

**Highland Logan** · 6th March 19, 02:18 PM

I do tend to pull people aside and offer corrective advice. It's always been taken the ways It's been intended, and I never had anyone tell me to jog on. From an ex-Army point of view; never pass a fault. This is not about feeling better about yourself, but helping someone be better. In this context, would you rather have someone save you some embarrassing moment, or find out later you were the laughing stock? And does anyone really ever want to be wrong?

Frank

**OC Richard** · 7th March 19, 08:48 PM

With strangers I don't say anything.

In the past, even though I was trying to be helpful, and no matter how I worded it, the person always seemed to be a bit offended. Lesson learned, I keep it to myself.

It's different with friends and band-mates. I have a piper friend who is colour-blind and I will point out when his colours clash.

**Singlemalt** · 8th March 19, 04:11 AM

I think it is possible to be helpful without insulting the other fellow. I would never say "you are wearing it wrong and let me tell you how to do it right". However I think I would be comfortable saying. "nice kilt, looks great on you. I have found mine hangs better with the pin just through the top apron".

Anyone offended by this type of approach I don't need to know anyway.