Interesting comment while kilted

[Karl R]

Last night I attended a dance class at a local country western bar ... and wearing a kilt, of course. Afterwards we hung around for a bit of dancing and socializing.

While socializing, one of the other students from the dance class told me, "I respect your total commitment to not giving a ____ about what other people think of you. I would like to wear a kilt, but I just can't avoid caring about what other people think."

[kiltedsawyer]

Last night I attended a dance class at a local country western bar ... and wearing a kilt, of course. Afterwards we hung around for a bit of dancing and socializing.

While socializing, one of the other students from the dance class told me, "I respect your total commitment to not giving a ____ about what other people think of you. I would like to wear a kilt, but I just can't avoid caring about what other people think."

Karl, I hope you shared with him or her just how sad that is.

David

[Karl R]

Karl, I hope you shared with him or her just how sad that is.

I chalked it up to age (and explicitly said as much). He was probably still in his 20s ... or early 30s at most. The folly (and self-consciousness) of youth, you know.

Age might not bring wisdom, but it brings a certain degree of perspective. Such as how few people's opinions matter.

I'll make a point of dropping a few (relevant) pearls of wisdom in the coming months. If he really wants to wear a kilt (rather than just vaguely considering the idea), then he's going to end up doing it. Because of one opinion that really matters.

His wife thinks they're pretty damn cool.

[Katia]

Karl, I hope you shared with him or her just how sad that is.

David

It is sad, you're right, that anyone has to worry what others think about them... but sometimes you do. Sometimes it is important to have the regard and goodwill of other people, for whatever reasons-- it's important to your job, it's important to your sanity (like if they're family or in-laws and could make your life hell), it's important to not be a complete outcast, it's important to not be harassed in public by strangers, etc. It's sad that people are so judgmental of others' lives and choices that hurt no one and will never affect them, but they are... and sometimes you have to navigate that, in ways you would prefer not to.

[neloon]

It is sad, you're right, that anyone has to worry what others think about them... but sometimes you do. Sometimes it is important to have the regard and goodwill of other people, for whatever reasons-- it's important to your job, it's important to your sanity (like if they're family or in-laws and could make your life hell), it's important to not be a complete outcast, it's important to not be harassed in public by strangers, etc. It's sad that people are so judgmental of others' lives and choices that hurt no one and will never affect them, but they are... and sometimes you have to navigate that, in ways you would prefer not to.

And it's so easy to misunderstand someone's words or actions that we sometimes make things difficult for ourselves unnecessarily. So we have to keep asking "Could I have picked up the wrong vibe?"
Alan

[kiltedsawyer]

It is sad, you're right, that anyone has to worry what others think about them... but sometimes you do. Sometimes it is important to have the regard and goodwill of other people, for whatever reasons-- it's important to your job, it's important to your sanity (like if they're family or in-laws and could make your life hell), it's important to not be a complete outcast, it's important to not be harassed in public by strangers, etc. It's sad that people are so judgmental of others' lives and choices that hurt no one and will never affect them, but they are... and sometimes you have to navigate that, in ways you would prefer not to.

You must be young.

[jthk]

I chalked it up to age (and explicitly said as much). He was probably still in his 20s ... or early 30s at most. The folly (and self-consciousness) of youth, you know.

Age might not bring wisdom, but it brings a certain degree of perspective. Such as how few people's opinions matter.

I'll make a point of dropping a few (relevant) pearls of wisdom in the coming months. If he really wants to wear a kilt (rather than just vaguely considering the idea), then he's going to end up doing it. Because of one opinion that really matters.

His wife thinks they're pretty damn cool.

An honest hurdle for some and clearly it's a big one for him. Perhaps if he could understand that many people enjoy a man in a well-put together kilt then his care for what people think could be used to help him into a kilt. It's a massive help that his wife is into it because her opinion should really matter the most.

Best,
Jonathan

[Katia]

You must be young.

Indeed I am, and therefore need to care about these things. Maybe someday when I am no longer employed, would no longer have the family of a significant other whose opinion I need to worry about, and do not want friends, it will not matter. For now, when I often am not able to choose my company and when I would like to not be completely outcast as a "weirdo," yup, sometimes it's necessary to "play along" with whatever other people deem "normal." Sad but true.

[FinnKilt]

Indeed I am, and therefore need to care about these things. Maybe someday when I am no longer employed, would no longer have the family of a significant other whose opinion I need to worry about, and do not want friends, it will not matter. For now, when I often am not able to choose my company and when I would like to not be completely outcast as a "weirdo," yup, sometimes it's necessary to "play along" with whatever other people deem "normal." Sad but true.

Over the years, especially since I switched to wearing kilts full-time (and yes, that was when I retired), I have tried a range of different responses when people ask me, or challenge me, or dismiss me, for doing so – "Why do you wear a kilt?": from obtuse humour: "To keep my thighs warm", + variants, to the most honest: "Harmless eccentricity", which at the moment usually seems to defuse any judgmental tension there might be. Judgmentalism there certainly sometimes is, but it's outweighed by the responses of amusement or indeed admiration.

It took me a while to feel confident and comfortable being a kilted male in a trousered culture, but now I'm so used to it (and the occasional question or challenge) that I mostly forget that other folk think it's odd!

[Karl R]

Maybe someday when I am no longer employed, would no longer have the family of a significant other whose opinion I need to worry about, and do not want friends, it will not matter. For now, when I often am not able to choose my company and when I would like to not be completely outcast as a "weirdo," yup, sometimes it's necessary to "play along" with whatever other people deem "normal." Sad but true.

You probably won't need to wait that long before you can stop worrying so much what other people think. I'm established in my career, so my bosses and coworkers care about the quality of my work, not whether I pass for "normal." My wife accepts me as I am. Given the number of weird in-laws, they mostly think I'm about average. My friends and acquaintances expect me to be a bit weird.

Most people that I encounter don't care whether I'm weirder than average. They will care if I'm rude, mean, stand-offish, judgmental, or otherwise offensive. But they don't care that much about weird. I occasionally encounter exceptions, but due to that behavior, they are generally considered rude, mean, judgmental ... and they end up being ostracized for behaving that way towards others.