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  1. #1
    Join Date
    22nd January 04
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    Southwestern Ontario
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    How To Use the Toilet Whilst Kilted

    Here's the method I use. I've experimented with different methods, but this variation seems the most successful. It's probably worth a "dry run" before field implementation.
    (Note: The following assumes the absence of undergarments)
    1. With your business end toward the bowl, bend forward as close to 90 deg. as possible.
    2. Slide both hands under the kilt, up past the buttocks, and up onto the small of the back.
    3. Flip the Palms to facing outward, then flip the back of the kilt as high up onto the back as possible.
    4. Remain bending forward. Reach the hands simultaneously to their respective sides and start unfolding the pleats, bringing (feeding) them forward so that they hang to the side. This brings the mass of the fabric forward and to the sides so that it cannot fall back into the bowl.
    5. While holding both sides of the kilt, seat yourself while smoothing and positioning the fabric forward. Make sure your body remains leaning forward slightly throughout the operational phase of the mission.
    6. Upon completion, stand and re-drape the fabric to its rightful position. Don't forget to check and smooth the under-apron as required.

    Since using this method I've never had a "Louganis" occurrence.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    6th December 06
    Location
    Michigan
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    The REALLY HARD part is using the port-a-potty when you have parades!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    30th June 04
    Location
    Houston, Texas
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    1. Close stall door
    2. Face stall door
    3. Hike sporran strap up to nipple level
    4. Remove kilt
    5. Fold kilt in half
    6. Fold kilt in half again
    7. Drape kilt over left arm
    8. Do the do.
    9. Don kilt
    10. Don't forget to flush!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    6th June 07
    Location
    Dallas, TX
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    I take mine off. (and try to wait until I get home)

  5. #5
    Join Date
    7th July 06
    Location
    Roswell, Georgia USA
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    What Tukaram said. and Kid Cossack. Especially in a port-a-john!
    Convener, Georgia Chapter, House of Gordon (Boss H.O.G.)

    Where 4 Scotsmen gather there'll usually be a fifth.
    7/5 of the world's population have a difficult time with fractions.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    25th August 06
    Location
    South Wales UK
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    I can slip my kilt down and up as easily as trousers but when wearing a belt and sporran this method might well be an alternative!
    [B][COLOR="Red"][SIZE="1"]Reverend Earl Trefor the Sublunary of Kesslington under Ox, Venerable Lord Trefor the Unhyphenated of Much Bottom, Sir Trefor the Corpulent of Leighton in the Bucket, Viscount Mcclef the Portable of Kirkby Overblow.

    Cymru, Yr Alban, Iwerddon, Cernyw, Ynys Manau a Lydaw am byth! Yng Nghiltiau Ynghyd!
    (Wales, Scotland, Ireland, Cornwall, Isle of Man and Brittany forever - united in the Kilts!)[/SIZE][/COLOR][/B]

  7. #7
    Join Date
    24th August 06
    Location
    Kansas City Missouri
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    I take it off and drape over the shoulders like a shawl. Leaves the hands free to do your business.
    Mark Keeney

  8. #8
    Join Date
    24th August 05
    Location
    TUSCON AZ south of PHENIX :)
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    I guess the old saying " for fonication, and defication there's nothing better than a kilt" isnt as true as originally thought


    I use the porta "privy" with no problems really ( even at SCA events when wearing a great kilt!)

    bend over as far as possible flip up onto the back still bent over....sit down, and stay bent over as much as possible take care of bussiness, and then stand up and step away, havent had a misshap yet ( knock on the privy door)

    KFP
    Irish diplomacy: is telling a man to go to he)) in such a way that he looks forward to the trip!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    26th November 07
    Location
    Kentucky
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    you know, as a lady we learn how to umm... do the do in a skirt gracefully at about 5. I had never even thought of it as a skill.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    30th October 07
    Location
    Harrisonburg
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    Quote Originally Posted by string View Post
    you know, as a lady we learn how to umm... do the do in a skirt gracefully at about 5. I had never even thought of it as a skill.
    I guess it's like a language. If you learn it before 12 you'll always be better at it than if you learn it late. Alas.

    I do think kilts are a bit different. There are all the pleats to consider...I feel they make the kilt a slightly different animal.
    Anyway, my normal porta-potty method is to hold it until I'm at a real bathroom. It works right up until when they start halving the beer prices at the end of a festival/ceilidh...
    I may have to study the cossack's methods.
    Last edited by TheKiltedWonder; 28th November 07 at 09:26 PM.

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