feeling special is not OK

[Alan H]

OK I'm interested in the gang's take on this....

I had a little tiff with the lady again about kilt-wearing...this was, oh about six weeks ago. I told her that among aother reasons like comfort, plain ol' fun, and a what-the-hell attitude, , one of the reasons I wore a kilt was because it made me feel a little bit "special". You know how it is, you step out in a kilt and you know that you'll probably be the only person around who's wearing one. The ladies will look, a couple of them will flirt... the guys will either smile at you and say something nice or will walk by pretending not to notice, but if you look at their eyes (they haven't moved their heads) their eyes are following the sporran...

Yeah, says I to the Missus...wearing a kilt makes me feel a little bit different, a little bit "special". I think everybody should get to feel that way now and then, you know?

OK, apparently *someone*...wife won't tell me who, said " that's not a good reason for wearing a kilt. "Feeling special" should come from INSIDE a person, not from other people."

Anyway, the conversation went from there to what was "masucline" or not. I made the point that choosing what I wanted to wear and wearing it and damn the nay-sayers was a lot more masculine than wanting to wear a kilt and not doing it because I was afraid what other people would think....but I digress.

What do you all think about that "feeling special should come from inside" comment vis a vis kilt-wearing?

[KiltedBishop]

Well ultimately the one real control we have in our lives is how we react to others. Sure it is nice to say you should be happy with yourself and not need any outside feedback to give you any sense of well being...but that crap. The fact is for millions of years our pack nature has desired a sense of acceptance and love from our "pack" and we still to this day do it, though some more than others. It isn't wrong to want to feel special...Basically what she is saying is you should get no joy from someone reacting positivly to you. doesn't make sense to me...

[bear]

Most men can't put on a kilt in the first place. Just being one of the men that can is enough proof to masculinity.

[GMan]

I have always felt that I was special. When I started donning the kilt, it was just an extention of who I really am.

[macwilkin]

Alan,

For those of us of Scottish heritage, the kilt is the visible symbol of a special sense of pride in our ancestors and their accomplishments.

Cheers,

Todd

[Shay]

Wearing a kilt makes you feel attractive. Not always sexually attractive, but attractive in the sense that people notice you and are interested in you when you walk into a room- something a lotta lotta women have happen all our lives because in the crudest sense... 'we've' got boobies and 'you' like them. It can be a bit more refined than that, but basically women spend a lot of their lives being looked at, checked out, and chatted up, and most of the time there is a sexual component to it, even if only in pretense, like the flirty banter between my gay friend and I.

I think she's having a hard time with that aspect of it- that a male can (and should!) be attractive and the center of attention, and she doesn't always need to be. I'm not saying she consciously feels this way, but if I had less self-esteem or was more worried about my own attractiveness, I certainly would be miffed at all the people who talk to my husband and fawn over him and all that stuff when he's wearing a kilt or talking about his motorcycle or doing something with skiing and ignore me. (As it is, I just dump the baby in his lap and run off to dance or something if I get too bored.) I've dragged him to things where I've been the one who's engaged and charming, and he's 'just' my husband, too. But I don't think it's the female's rightful place to be put up on some social pedestal as the most attractive thing in a gathering!

It's just second nature to a lot of women, especially women who think their social standing depends on their attractiveness, to evaulate everyone in the room and who/what their attention is drawn towards. In this case, it's you, and she doesn't like it. That 'feeling special' is attractiveness, nothing more, nothing less, and it does come from inside of you- and is enhanced by what you choose to wear rather than caused by it. Perhaps if you bring up this idea, she'll recognise her own feelings and be able to deal with them, instead of focusing on your clothes.

[Andrew Breecher]

You can't just make yourself feel special. Your special feeling inside directly comes from the reactions of others. If people didn't react differently to you in a kilt, it would be just as if you were wearing trousers, and there would be no reason to feel special.

Andrew.

[Archangel]

Basically what she is saying is you should get no joy from someone reacting positivly to you. doesn't make sense to me...

hmmn, this is deep and troubling.

So then we have to discuss joy and your response to the flattery...but it looks like it's generally been covered.

Could suggest it's either that or the rockabilly cat comes out, that seems to quiet people down up here. But then, I don't really have that issue.

[Kilts_Knave]

"Feeling special" should come from INSIDE a person, not from other people."

No man lives in a vaccuum.

No man is an island.

The clothes make the man.

Hey, I'm not makin' this stuff up. It has to come from experience.

You are not alone.

[David White]

Nothing is worth your marriage. Its give and take.
Hey if you want to wear the kilt to work do so. But maybe mark it down
on a calender for several times a month and agree with your wife these
are the days.

Remember the old saying- "drop a frog in boiling water and it will jump out, put it in cool water and gently heat it up and it will stay"

Take it slow, you've already worn you kilt to work and its not even Oct. 31,
mission done.

dave