Christmas Party for work.

**fingertrouble** · 19th December 11, 01:14 PM

Originally Posted by MeghanWalker

exactly. The guy got brave when you walked away. Ask him to repeat his comment to your face and watch his words stutter away.

Exactly. The whole stand down of 'you said what?' and all the braveness evaporates. Not done that often but it does work, if you stand your ground and don't get baited.

**MT4Runner** · 19th December 11, 01:25 PM

Originally Posted by fingertrouble

Exactly. The whole stand down of 'you said what?' and all the braveness evaporates. Not done that often but it does work, if you stand your ground and don't get baited.

Absolutely.

Bullies like to create confrontation, but they often back down from it.

Sadly, he'll probably find another victim.

The HR route might be a wise one to spare the company some pain in the future--but won't necessarily save you any.

Confronting him directly will probably stem his comments toward you, and he'll go find another victim--at the possible future expense of the company.

You didn't create the situation.
You can either submit to it, confront him directly, or confront him publicly. It's normal to feel stress about it, but don't feel guilty about any course of action you decide to take.

By the by, the "pounding on metal" comment: are you a smith?

**Java** · 19th December 11, 02:07 PM

I'd like to point out that you have all of your options open to you, because your wife handled herself like a lady. I shudder to think of the outcome if he had run into my wife's Latin temper..............

**Frank McGrath** · 19th December 11, 05:15 PM

[QUOTE=MT4Runner;1046386
By the by, the "pounding on metal" comment: are you a smith?[/QUOTE]

Nope....... A McGrath

**Frank McGrath** · 19th December 11, 05:22 PM

Well, I visited our HR person. Explained what happened. She explained that she must look into the problem. I also explained that the kilt jokes at the party by the pres of company were ok, that I have heard them all before. The operations head had gotten together several kilt jokes and was put off that I wore pants. I told him that I liked the spotlight even though I was not kilted. we laughed and went about our business. But I explained to Hr lady that this kid stepped over the line. She agreed. She is going to bring him in and talk about it. We'll see what happens. Thanks again for the support.

MT4runner.......I still have a sense of humor. I have sone some metal work, but not as a smith. Much too hot.

**Meggers** · 20th December 11, 06:05 PM

Originally Posted by Java

I'd like to point out that you have all of your options open to you, because your wife handled herself like a lady. I shudder to think of the outcome if he had run into my wife's Latin temper..............

oooh I shudder to think of that too. haha.

I dont know that my mouth could have been shut either. Im a gentle woman 90% of the time, but when it comes to petty gossip and attacks on kind people, I find it hard to be a lady.

**Frank McGrath** · 21st December 11, 09:52 AM

Originally Posted by MeghanWalker

oooh I shudder to think of that too. haha.

I dont know that my mouth could have been shut either. Im a gentle woman 90% of the time, but when it comes to petty gossip and attacks on kind people, I find it hard to be a lady.

Some of you may know from earlier posts that my wife is of Austrian/German genes. If she was anything like her mother, she would have ripped the guy a new one right there on the spot. But my wife is much more genteel than that.

**artificer** · 21st December 11, 10:06 AM

Not much else can be said beyond Panache's advice to take it up with HR.

Beyond that, forget it. Your little work-mate so spineless that he had to snipe at you AFTER you left. Idiots will always be idiots, there is nothing you can do to change it (that won't get you arrested for assault/manslaughter) so no point in wasting energy on them.

ith:

**piperchris** · 21st December 11, 10:49 AM

Bullies come in all ages, socio-economic groups, races, religious affiliations and both sexes. In order for bullying to stop the bully needs to be informed that this behavior is unacceptable and face real consequences. If you ignore this behavior it will continue. I would advise using any means you can to address this problem because if you ignore it it will continue. I think talking to HR is an excellent start but hopefully your meeting emphasized that you will not accept this kind of behavior and direct action needs to be taken and immediately!!! Problems like this at work are especially challenging because you have to see these idiots on a daily basis. Let us know how this turns out, my friend. Hang in there!

**Burly Brute** · 21st December 11, 10:53 AM

HR was the best option in the times in which we live, it's a shame though. A few years back you could have boxed his jaws a bit and the issue would have been solved, although a few years back younger men didnt make it a habit of insulting their elders. I know at 24 I have learned from my grandfather to respect the wisdom of the men who have gone before me.

Hope it all works out.

-Z