Kilt Jokes anyone!?

[Kilt_Noob]

Ok, my wife calls me from work today to tell me something funny she saw. She was in line for McD's for lunch and noticed a car parked that had a bumper sticker that read, "Got Kilt? because sheep can hear zippers from 500 yards away." And she thought that was the funniest thing and had to call me. Well, I thought it was really funny too! And it made me think of all you guys...My idea is this, how 'bout everyone post a kilt joke on here and see how many we can put together? I've seen a few on the web before, but I'm willing to bet some of you have really good ones! :butt:

[lethearen]

Other than the classic blue-ribbon joke, the only one I know is a variation of yours.

Why do the Scots wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper a hundred yards away.
Why do the Irish wear kilts? Because a Scotsman can hear a zipper two hundred yards away.

[The Wizard of BC]

There are always the old William Lawson ads. I'll see if I can find a link to them.

"No rules, great Scotch".

[Kilt_Noob]

Other than the classic blue-ribbon joke, the only one I know is a variation of yours.

Why do the Scots wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper a hundred yards away.
Why do the Irish wear kilts? Because a Scotsman can hear a zipper two hundred yards away.

LOL I like the 2nd of the two!

[Colonel MacNeal]

None that don't involve sheep, and can be repeated here.

[Splash_4]

There are always the old William Lawson ads. I'll see if I can find a link to them.

"No rules, great Scotch".

Scottish Haka!

Fox Hunting

Band Competition

Damsel in Distress

Basic Instinct

For a few!

[Splash_4]

And many more here if you follow this search..

http://www.youtube.com/results?searc...am+lawson&aq=f

[Squeaky McMurdo]

Well, it isn't a kilt joke, but it's a Scot joke and I think it's hillarious:

A pensioner lived alone in Scotland. His only son was in prison, and the father didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden for spring planting. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received his reply, "For Heaven's sake, don't dig up the garden, that's where I buried the guns." At 4:00 am the following morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but found no firearms. Perplexed, the man wrote his son telling him what occurred and asking him what to do next. His son's reply: "Plant the potatoes father."

This is a funny quote by Sir Walter Scott:

"Twelve clansmen and one bagpipe make a rebellion."

This one is a kilt joke...

During a recent international sports meet, one of the Scottish track & field coaches was entertaining friends and colleagues in his hotel room. As so often occurs, the libations were used up before it was time to end the festivities. After receiving directions to the nearest liquor store, the Scottish coach left the party to bring back more booze.
Arriving at the store, he noticed there were two men waiting in the queue. Both were dressed in olive-drab military fatigues, had heavy beards, and cigars in their mouths. He heard the first one order several bottles of various liquors. Upon being told the cost of his purchases, the individual told the proprietor that he was with "Fidel". The clerk produced a book and had him sign for his purchases. The other individual proceeded to order at least twice the amount of his companion. Upon receipt of his total, he also told the clerk that he was with "Fidel". By now, the Scot figured he was on to a very good thing. He ordered numerous bottles of this, cigars, cigarettes, etc. Upon being presented with his total, he said that he too was with "Fidel". The proprietor replied that he could not be with Fidel. "And why not?" demanded the indignant Scotsman. "Because you do not have a beard and a large Cuban cigar." the proprietor replied. At that, the Scot reached down, lifted his kilt and proudly proclaimed, "Secret Service!"

Tehehe

--Chelsea McMurdo--

[Monkey@Arms]

That was a new one for me, thanks, Squeaky.

Best regards,

Jake

[lethearen]

I've heard a variation of the Fidel joke. But I like yours better!