feeling special is not OK

[KiltedCodeWarrior]

Been off-line since posting to this thread earlier this afternoon. I can only say that all of your responses leave me speechless, grateful, and somewhat teary-eyed (and I am not that easy to reach like that, my wife referred to me as "the rock" for the whole family when we lost my brother-in-law suddenly earlier this year to liver disease). Not that I think that I am unemotional, I just tend to try to work things through for myself and don't tend to share them. This works well most of the time when I am dealing with issues that don't involve my wife, as she is my support network, but when it is an issue that affects or deals with her, I am left with no one to lean on if I need it.

Macg, those we love can (and do) hurt us the most. The ones who can push our buttons the quickest and the easiest are those who know us the best, and after almost 20 years together, we certainly know each other well!

It looks like your wife is reacting out of fear, & she may not be aware of all the trouble you went to make sure kilting at the office would be OK. You might show her the thread where you delineated to us all that you did to get clearance. OTOH, she may fear that while it is OK for you to wear the kilt to work, those who could promote you may not be so keen on it (the kilt that is) & therefore not so keen on promoting you.

You two will have to have a good talk; & tho' it's too late for this one, next time you feel you must walk away because there is no time for a lengthy discussion, let her know that you do want to talk it out with her but you want to do it when you both have the time the issue deserves, or that she deserves, whichever is fitting.

Sherry, you are right on! This has been a very difficult year that has seen the sudden death of my wife's sister's husband due to liver disease, the loss of my job due to a merger, and a cross country move (Tampa to Chicago) to start a new job. She is very concerned due to my being in a new company and how wearing the kilt might affect my raises, promotions, etc., which is where the discussion this morning began. This morning I was certainly to blame, and said so to her, in not agreeing to discuss the issue later when we had more time instead of just not responding. I saw it as a case of not getting into a discussion that would lead to an argument and long conversation, but I agree that to her it seemed like I did not care for what she thought, which is not true.

I also sincerely appreciate your input from another women's perspective.

RJI