My wife and I just celebrated our 10th anniversary. I took her out to a fine local restaurant, and presented her with some really nice diamond earrings.

With tears in her eyes, she said she hadn't "had time" to get me anything.

I told her that was fine. I gave her the earrings because I wanted to - not because I was expecting something in return.

She took a breath, and said, "Well, how about if you buy a new kilt outfit and that can be my anniversary gift to you?"

(shocked pause on the part of Yours Truly)

"I'm sorry, did you say kilt outfit? Well, sweetie, if you must - you must...."

So that's what I'm getting from my lovely wife. An 8-yard wool kilt, jacket, dress sporran, ghillies, the works!

I don't know what I did to deserve her...