No, I'm sorry. The only acceptable kilt hose are made from the wool of sheep who can trace their ancestry at least 300 years in the Scottish highlands, sheared by shepherds whose ancestry is at least twice that long.

The wool must be spun in a wee but-and-ben on a wooden spinning wheel and knit into hose, using ancient Scottish secret techniques by an old Scottish woman who knits by candlelight after a full day of gutting fish.

You must pay at least $500 for these hose. Nothing else will do,