You are SO hosed my friend. As someone who has been married for 7 years (no, I'm not itchy....why would you ask that??!), all I can say is that I echo what everyone else has said, just accept that you are powerless and the following phrases are the ones that will get you through rest of your life:

1. Yes Dear
2. Well, how does that make you feel (sympathetic eyes necessary here)
3. Uh, huh


Good luck!