An Apology

[DWFII]

Sanford,

I am sorry to hear this. It makes me terribly frustrated and uncomfortable...not because of anything you said or have done but because it shines a bright light on why people become uncomfortable or offended.

In the recent white hose thread, for instance, one member made a statement that (as I read it) ascribed snobbishness to all those who think white hose look a little "off." In a fair discussion, that remark might have been called and a whole other, perhaps happy, chain of events might have ensued. But in this instance (and many others similarly charged) it was not.

Later in the same thread, if memory serves, another member resorted to the "kilt police" remark.

Such blanket characterizations are, despite the best semantic camouflage in the world, offensive. And I know I am not alone in thinking that they seem deliberately so. Yet the powers that be do not see fit to intervene to curtail such remarks...indeed there always seems to be a sense of exasperation and bewilderment when a thread goes downhill from there--as if, despite an abundance of patience and tolerance, those people who respond to such untoward remarks are being deliberately spiteful.

The key issue is the perception of fairness. Whatever the reality, anyone will rise to his or her own defense if they believe that no one else will. If intimations of snobbery or fascism are tolerated (with a wink and a smile) but strong opinions that have no personal focus...only differing from the "consensus"...are given short shrift, then the appearance of unfairness is nearly a given.

I believe that despite the best intentions, the tone of this forum is more intolerant than it is made out to be. I believe that certain people and certain subjects and even certain otherwise rude remarks and behaviour are tolerated at the expense of other people and other points of view. And I think it's a shame.

I think anyone ought to be able to express a personal opinion--"I think white hose look like underwear." And as long as it is stated and expressed as a personal opinion I cannot see how it could offend anyone unless we stipulate that only certain personal opinions are acceptable.

On the other hand if someone feels they have the right to tell someone else what they should or should not do then a line is crossed. But that includes the assertion that certain personal opinions ought to be kept off XMarks...or that the holding and/or expression of those personal opinions makes a person (or a group of people) snobbish or kilt police, or in some wise socially anathema. Somewhere along the line we have all fallen into the rankest kind of hypocrisy if we accept that.

I personally, value...and for the most part agree...with everything you have ever posted. I regret that you feel alienated and singled out. Know that you have friends and admirers here (at least for the nonce) who wish you had not deleted your posts or photos.