Why the cooling off corner?

[TurboKittie]

As the mother of a high school age son who reads and even sometimes posts here, I have to say I found nothing objectionable about the thread that was sent to the penalty box. (This is the same lad who's facebook I monitor, and hence have asked to kindly watch HIS language when he posts here.)

[CDNSushi]

Steve has already expressed it very well and very little needs to be added.

Let me however address something, from a mod's point of view; this is for those of you who are up in arms about these mysterious members who are thin-skinned and seem to continuously report threads, and are the site's killjoys.

It was discussed in another thread some time ago, but it bears repeating from time to time because a) we get many new members who don't know it, and b) people just don't believe it.

The fact of the matter is, there is NO ONE MEMBER or GROUP OF MEMBERS who are any more prone to reporting a post or thread for rule violations than anyone else.

The suggestion of being penalized for making frivolous reports would not work for the simple reason that I can't think of ANYONE who would get penalized under that system. Folks, have you looked at the site statistics?

I just copied this from the main page: Threads: 54,197, Posts: 897,619, Members: 15,801, Active Members: 1,543

With this size of community, (and so far there have been over 320 people log on today), you are dealing with people from ALL walks of life.

I would sincerely recommend, that everyone please bear in mind that with this level of diversity, it's not reasonable to expect that your particular value system is the prevalent one.

I know it's natural to assume that because you feel a certain way, that many others share your sentiment and therefore it must be correct. But seriously, when people start talking about "freedom of speech" or "the Constitution" or "USA" or "Canada," they lose sight of the fact that we have people here from countries where such values are seen differently.

With that said, when you start a discussion or contribute to one, be mindful of the facts that

a) Not everyone understands or appreciates your humour
b) In fact, English may not even be everyone's native language
c) Your posts are being read BOTH by people who are more sensitive than you and LESS sensitive than you -- and that's a fact that will not readily change anytime soon
d) Discussing norms and expected behaviours, manners, or comportment will be highly subject to different interpretations
e) What is considered "normal" in your corner of the world is quite likely not "normal" in other places
f) Conversely, what is considered "taboo" in your corner of the world is likely not "taboo" in other places
g) YOUR definition of what is considered "too sensitive" or "thin-skinned" is just that. YOUR opinion.

In fact, I would say that the backlash against perceived "thin-skinned" people has gone a long ways in discouraging people from legitimately making reports to the mods. This is unfortunate, especially when a report is warranted. Because everyone keeps getting it drilled into their heads that being a whiner is wrong, and the adult playground version of peer-pressuring others into not being a tattle-tale, people are in general VERY hesitant to report posts/threads... And often when people do, they are apologetic in their report and say that they "don't want to be seen as a complainer." This should not be the case. Members should feel comfortable making reports to the mods.

By in large, people who make reports aren't trying to be thin-skinned killjoys, and they don't make reports just because it gives them a thrill to do so. They are generally concerned about keeping XMTS a nice place to spend time and report what they perceive to be rule violations -- rules that all exist for good reason.

So if there's any take-away message from my above rant, I would say that it's the importance of being mindful of the extreme DIVERSITY of the membership, each and every time you hit the "Submit" button.

[HenryT]

a) Not everyone understands or appreciates your humour
b) In fact, English may not even be everyone's native language
c) Your posts are being read BOTH by people who are more sensitive than you and LESS sensitive than you -- and that's a fact that will not readily change anytime soon
d) Discussing norms and expected behaviors, manners, or comportment will be highly subject to different interpretations
e) What is considered "normal" in your corner of the world is quite likely not "normal" in other places
f) Conversely, what is considered "taboo" in your corner of the world is likely not "taboo" in other places
g) YOUR definition of what is considered "too sensitive" or "thin-skinned" is just that. YOUR opinion.

I have been active on the net for years, on many many forums... never have I seen this so well put! This short list should be a sticky. Thanks... in my mind you have said something very true and important.

Thanks

[chewse]

As one who has had two threads moved to the cooling off forum, I do understand the difficulty in "managing" a large group of diverse individuals. And I truly appreciate the Mods duties and Steve's commitment to the X Marks The Scot website and it's members. I realize you can't please everyone all the time. However, I feel the Mods may be too quick to pull the trigger on many seemingly questionable threads deemed to violate the rules.

It is in fact the diverse background, experiences, locations, etc. of the members that makes this site a favored place for us all. I love reading the perspectives of those across the USA and around the globe. And, don't forget we support this site financially though our patronage of its merchants.

All I ask of the Mods is to allow some leeway for us to discuss topics that on the surface seem to initially violate a rule or may result in a member negative comment before the thread/topic is shut off.

[tundramanq]

Here too chewse I have been to many parts of the world and experienced the many differing cultures. Being PC is not being open and candid.

PC really means Political Corrupt

Two of the other form sites I am on are support sites that are much more international than this and dealing with much deeper issues than here. This is compounded by very broken English if any, one guy I am working with now only speaks and reads English via his computer translator. As you can imagine the results get pretty interesting at both ends. He only speaks Mandarin. His problem is deep and we manage to get past the culture issues with a little effort on both sides. We are both learning each others culture. I really enjoy it.

[islandkilt]

"With that said, when you start a discussion or contribute to one, be mindful of the facts that

a) Not everyone understands or appreciates your humour
b) In fact, English may not even be everyone's native language
c) Your posts are being read BOTH by people who are more sensitive than you and LESS sensitive than you -- and that's a fact that will not readily change anytime soon
d) Discussing norms and expected behaviours, manners, or comportment will be highly subject to different interpretations
e) What is considered "normal" in your corner of the world is quite likely not "normal" in other places
f) Conversely, what is considered "taboo" in your corner of the world is likely not "taboo" in other places
g) YOUR definition of what is considered "too sensitive" or "thin-skinned" is just that. YOUR opinion. "

I might only add, "or when you read one"..

[Steve Ashton]

This is the umpteenth time we have had people complain about 'whiners' who 'ruin' the fun of 'good' threads.

Frankly, I find this insulting. It is insulting to the intelligence of our staff. Do you really think that the members of our staff aren't smart enough to know if a report is frivolous?

I also find it most insulting to the bravery of our members who speak out when they see something they do not like.

Those members who file a report know full well that someone will come onto the forum and call them a whiner.
They know full well that they will be ridiculed. They know full well that an attempt to silence them will be forthcoming on the forum.

Whiners? No, Those who stand up when they see something they think is wrong are the brave ones.

The whiners are those who complain after they are caught breaking a rule. Those who think that they can make fun of anyone standing up for their rights. Those who try to silence someone else.

We do not record the names of those who report something to us with the intent of punishing them. We applaud them for having the guts to speak out.

Lifting your kilt and exposing yourself is wrong. You may like to do it. You may achieve some sexual titillation from doing so. You may think that others will find you attractive for doing so. But it is still wrong.

If someone were to report you to the police for doing so, they are not the one who was wrong, and trying to excuse your behavior by blaming the "thin-skinned, politically correct, whiner" who reported you will not get you very far in front of the Judge.

[tundramanq]

My problem is I can't spot "the lifted kilt" in that string.

[rondo]

My problem is I can't spot "the lifted kilt" in that string.

Uh....yeah. Me neither. I just re-read the entire thread and the rules. What rule was broken? And of course I do understand the time zone differences. Not complaining or whining, just hoping the thread gets re-instated. It was a good read. And I'm not ragging on the Mods...just really don't see what was so offensive. Okay...I'll leave now.
Rondo

[chewse]

This is the umpteenth time we have had people complain about 'whiners' who 'ruin' the fun of 'good' threads.

Frankly, I find this insulting. It is insulting to the intelligence of our staff. Do you really think that the members of our staff aren't smart enough to know if a report is frivolous?

I also find it most insulting to the bravery of our members who speak out when they see something they do not like.

Those members who file a report know full well that someone will come onto the forum and call them a whiner.
They know full well that they will be ridiculed. They know full well that an attempt to silence them will be forthcoming on the forum.

Whiners? No, Those who stand up when they see something they think is wrong are the brave ones.

The whiners are those who complain after they are caught breaking a rule. Those who think that they can make fun of anyone standing up for their rights. Those who try to silence someone else.

We do not record the names of those who report something to us with the intent of punishing them. We applaud them for having the guts to speak out.

Lifting your kilt and exposing yourself is wrong. You may like to do it. You may achieve some sexual titillation from doing so. You may think that others will find you attractive for doing so. But it is still wrong.

If someone were to report you to the police for doing so, they are not the one who was wrong, and trying to excuse your behavior by blaming the "thin-skinned, politically correct, whiner" who reported you will not get you very far in front of the Judge.

I appreciate your defense of the Mods. I think they generally do an excellent job in weeding out questionable threads. But they are no different than the rest of us in the intrepretation of the rules. Wasn't it one of yor current Mods who recently started a thread to get members to vote for him as having the "best legs" dressed as a gangster in tights?

Let's get real here.