As always, we cannot know exactly what is going on in the minds of others, but she probably thought that she was was being helpful by offering words of advice designed to save you a potential "bashing" after the sun had gone down. From your wording, Graham, it sounds as though she didn't consider you gay, but guessed that others would. She based this strictly on your attire. As Casey wrote, "kilt = gay," in the minds of many. The woman may have meant well, but in a way her words come off to me as possibly being self-serving since she was in effect telling you that she was more enlightened than her fellow citizens who didn't know a kilt when they saw one.

Now, what are you supposed to do with this advice??? Exactly what you did, I suppose, especially the part where you reported back to this squad! You are right, there isn't any real way to enlighten folks met in passing since you have, typically, time for only a few sentences before parting. Depending on my mood and the situation, I either accept the advice politely or take exception.

Over the weekend, Karen and I were leaving a Chinese restaurant when a man who was entering said,"Nice skirt". Since the wife was wearing trousers and we we three were the only people in the picture, I knew he was referring to me. I didn't see his face as he was saying it, so I assumed that he was being sarcastic since "nice skirt" is not something one ordinarily says to another man whom you do not know! However, when I turned to make eye contact (I make it a point to do this when people are in close proximity, even when it is uncomfortable for me),I saw that he meant it as a compliment. I thanked him.

As has been discussed here in the past, a kilt *is* a skirt (I have come to terms with this), and he was going one way and I was going the other, so I didn't bother with my quick little "While this is technically a skirt, more accurately it is a kilt" spiel. He asked me where I got the skirt, I told him (Pittsburgh Kilts, which sort of alluded to its being a kilt and not a skirt), thanked him again for his nice words, and then went home to eat a take-out meal with an amused wife.

Mychael