More Wedding Advice

**Liam** · 29th April 16, 05:12 AM

Originally Posted by Jock Scot

As an observation, there was a time when the bride to be and her mother sat down together and discussed what type of wedding there was to be, The Bride's father lurked, with a large whisky in hand in the next room wondering what the event was going to cost and waiting to hear what kind of wedding there was going to be-------church, cathedral, registry office and if the attire was formal or smart. The Groom to be waited for this information and then acted accordingly-----he knew what he was going to wear depending on the decisions made by the brides family. There was none of this must do , must wear this or that because the bride's aunt does not like the kilt, or formal weddings or some such nonsense. The Groom wears HIS tartan come what may, it is HIS choice IF the kilt is appropriate and with appropriate attire to fit the event. Otherwise, if there is not to be the kilt-------and there are considerations to be made about that----, he conforms with the general formal, smart,or even casual dress attire requirements.

There is still much merit in this system and if anyone, including the Bride's mother, objects----------TOUGH LUCK! I commend these thoughts to all, even in this modern day and age.

Jock.... This still may be the case, but I hope the Bridezilla and her Mother days are less common than they used to be. My view is that marriage is an equal partnership and the ceremony to establish it should be as well. Now I am also a believer of the golden rule, ie. he who has the gold rules, or on the case of a wedding, whomever is paying for it has a considerable say in what goes on. In today's modern world, the historic tradition of the father of the bride picking up the tab is not always the norm, so the bride and/or her mother dictating the wedding shouldn't be either.
OP... Sorry for this diversion from your post.

**Father Bill** · 29th April 16, 05:23 AM

*Sigh*

In pre-marital counselling, I always tell a young couple that the purpose of a wedding in the church is to gather there to praise God, to thank God that they have found one-another, and to ask God to bless them as they start life in a new relationship.

Next, for ten minutes I will act as an agent of the Province and register their marriage with the government.

Beyond that, (I say with a grin and twinkle to the groom and a thumb pointed at the bride) the purpose of the wedding is to keep her and her mother happy. You keep your mouth shut, and at the end of the day, you get to take her home for keeps.

Obviously this is with tongue firmly in cheek, but I've yet to find a couple who didn't laugh and relax, thus making the planning much easier.

**Geoff Withnell** · 29th April 16, 06:12 AM

I always thought that another reason for weddings to be public is make sure everyone - former boy/girl friends specially - that the two are now officially "offlimits" to everyone else!

**OC Richard** · 4th May 16, 06:06 AM

Originally Posted by Father Bill

the purpose of a wedding in the church is

- to gather there to praise God, to thank God that they have found one-another, and to ask God to bless them as they start life in a new relationship...

- register their marriage with the government...

- keep the bride and her mother happy.

Wise as always, dear Father!

I wish it was always like that. Too often, weddings become unseemly ostentatious displays of wealth.

Don't get me wrong- as a piper I benefit from people spending the money to have live music.

But some weddings are over-the-top, with the Happy Couple arriving in a white coach drawn by white horses, or vast sums spent on the venue and its decorations, with a Hollywood style script, and with a team of wedding coordinators running around with headsets. I played at one wedding where the transportation of the floral arrangements and other greenery cost $20,000. No clue how much the greenery itself cost!

The opening words get to the point

Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this congregation, to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony; which is an honourable estate, instituted of God... and therefore is not by any to be enterprised, nor taken in hand, unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly... but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly...

**Father Bill** · 4th May 16, 07:09 AM

Originally Posted by OC Richard

The opening words get to the point

Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this congregation, to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony; which is an honourable estate, instituted of God... and therefore is not by any to be enterprised, nor taken in hand, unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly... but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly...

**ForresterModern** · 7th May 16, 05:28 AM

I have one thing to say about this "whatever the bride and her mother want" for the wedding concept--your thoughts and considerations do need to be taken into account here too, to some degree that you determine. Afterall, who wants to be memorialized for all time in wedding pictures and videos in powder blue monkey suit and "just that shade of mauve" bow tie, really. Balance your desires to be married to this woman against your willingness to wear anything you are told and do anything you are told, and with the precedent that you are setting in the relationship with both your mate and her mother that may not end when the clock strikes midnight on your wedding night. Not saying that you need to be vetoing floral arrangements, or whether to invite her crazy great aunt Bettie who always tries to kiss you with an open mouth, or the vintage of champagne to serve for the wedding toast---there is the "choose your battles" idea in effect here too. But you too should have SOME say in the goings on, especially as it pertains to you and your groomsmen. Just don't be wearing stormtrooper boots when the time comes that you choose to put your foot down. Tread lightly, be heard about the 2% of details of the wedding ceremony details that you personally really care about, and take whatever position regarding your "involvement" in the other 98% that you feel is needed to maintain your dignity and a balance in the relationship with your future spouse and her mother for your future sanity. Then go buy a decent bottle of single malt and get in close with her father with the "celebrate your gratitude for his daughter, thank you for allowing me to join your family "dad" (may I call you dad?), and (only if he brings it up in conversation) gently commiserate his memories of what it was to be single or what it is like for him in his relationship with "the mother" and what you can expect to change in your life from today forward (his "here son is what is waiting for you tomorrow" speech), then reiterate your gratitude and love for his daughter", and all the while get good and smashed while the ladies work out the details of your wedding. In the end hopefully you will get a lovely loving bride, a wonderful relationship with both your mother in law and father in law, good memories of the wedding preps, the wedding, and a small hangover from enjoying a nice bottle of single malt, all without anybody's nose getting out of joint. Sets a nice balanced and pleasant tone for your future together that all can live with. And there is a nice precendent of drinking single malt started for future "needs" and desires.

**Father Bill** · 7th May 16, 07:42 AM

Of course you have to have considerable input. The concept that's being expressed is that much of the window-dressing is feminine, and most fellows just say "Sure, Babe. Whatever you want on that!"

For my own wedding, I made my own decision on my tux... and discussed it with my wife. I also asked her not to put her hair "up" as was the fashion of the day, because I so love it down, and she did that for me. I did much for her too, but the choice of bows and candles to decorate the church? Give me a break. That's just not "guy stuff" to me anyway.

**ratspike** · 7th May 16, 11:50 AM

Originally Posted by Father Bill

Of course you have to have considerable input. The concept that's being expressed is that much of the window-dressing is feminine, and most fellows just say "Sure, Babe. Whatever you want on that!"

Big truth. I was always surprised to have clients who were equally involved and invested in planning their wedding. My grooms typically had little to no interest in most things aside from beer, cake, and maybe the reception playlist. Generally speaking, this was probably for the best. Once or twice the roles were completely reversed, with the groom taking the lead in practically everything, and those weddings were about as awesome as you'd expect. And by awesome I mean really not. At all.