Go with your gut instinct and get the wool kilt. Also, if you are not a participant in a ceremony, going without a vest would seem fine to me.

Jamie's photo (in the 1 kilt, 10 looks) can be modified with a splash of color by different hose, tie or pocket kerchief and not distract from the somber occasion you're attending. The kilt will still be the focus of the ensemble.

I have two kilts. US Army tartan (equal to the Black Watch in my eyes for somber colors and my military connection) and the bright, colorful sett of the Confederate Memorial. I will be needing my family tartan eventually and that will substitute for the US Army kilt (which I will probably wear out before the purchase).