I don't think this is a safe place to have this discussion.

I've seen this can-of-worms opened on other forums (even pried the lid off of it a time or two myself) and it always ends in confusion, hurt feelings, anger and alienation.

This is a friendly group. Let's keep it friendly.

I moderate another group:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/kilture-sfba/

where we can duke it out toe-to-toe like true warriors.

Then we can come back here and relax as true friends.