A decision has been made...

**Derek** · 19th February 05, 03:41 AM

Sorry to hear of your situation Dana. You have done the right thing .. and hey, who knows .. in time your wife might see your kilt differently. Rome was'nt built in a day. I was brought with the saying 'patience is a virtue'. I had to check in the dictionary how to spell patience and it describes the word as 'the ability to wait calmly for something to happen without complaining or giving up'. I'm sure one day you will get there.
I'm really pleased you have decided to stay at x marks. Its a really fab place full of great people.
Derek

**al' Sporrano** · 19th February 05, 04:59 AM

Hi Dana

You won't know me from Adam. I don't think we've exchanged posts before, but I've been around X Marks since the beginning. I also celebrated 25yrs of marriage last September.

I have to say, I honour your decision and admire your loyalty in your relationship with your wife.

However, I'm with the guys who are questionning the amount of control your good lady seems to have over you. If something as little as wearing a kilt occasionally would ruin your marriage, after 25yrs something is not quite right.

There's nothing wrong in wearing a kilt. You've done it now for how long without issue?

When I first got mine there were a few raised eyebrows at home, but once I started wearing it 'out', my wife began to actively encourage me to wear it.

I don't wear it all the time, and I'm careful to pick functions/trips out which are appropriate. Places where I'm not likely to cause discomfort to those around me (including the kids who are both very vocal about my kilt - its just the age they're at when all dads are an embarrassment to them

)

My advice then would be this? DON'T give your kilts away. DON'T leave this board. DO try and get along to a kilts night somewhere - your wife does not have to go with you and none of the people she is concerned about seeing you in your kilt will be around.

Excuse my forward comments, Dana, I don't want you to give up on something that obviously gives you enjoyment and a sense of well being.

Al

**highlander_Daz** · 19th February 05, 05:05 AM

Dana Im sure your decision is based on you weighing up all the factors!! and I hope things work out, Here in Scotland its not a big deal to wear a kilt, so why not treat the misses to a holiday here, it might not work but im sure youd have a great time and youd get to sample the water of life and one of the oldest and nobelist cultures in the world,
The wearing of Tartan is not to be taken lightly, in fact its a huge responsibility and lots of partners dont realise that ! were not just Jocks in frocks!!, all the best to you and your wife !!
slainthe'

**elkdoc** · 19th February 05, 06:58 AM

Originally Posted by highlander_Daz

Dana Im sure your decision is based on you weighing up all the factors!! and I hope things work out, Here in Scotland its not a big deal to wear a kilt, so why not treat the misses to a holiday here, it might not work but im sure youd have a great time and youd get to sample the water of life and one of the oldest and nobelist cultures in the world,
The wearing of Tartan is not to be taken lightly, in fact its a huge responsibility and lots of partners dont realise that ! were not just Jocks in frocks!!, all the best to you and your wife !!
slainthe'

Ya know, that's not a bad idea. Especially if you've got ANY Scots heritage at all. Hmm... 8)

**Mychael Sporrano** · 19th February 05, 07:25 AM

I was talking to my wife about this last night over dinner. She reminded me of how uncomfortable she felt during the first kilted outing on which she accompanied me. At the time I was somewhat used to wearing a kilt and didn't give it much thought, but I noticed she seemed uneasy as we walked into our first stop, a Home Depot. Everything went fine, in fact I received a few compliments and that seemed to set her at ease. This is from a woman who loves a man in a kilt.

Dana's wife admittedly does not love a man in a kilt. If she thinks that he looks like a woman wearing a skirt, then she is never going to be comfortable accompanying him anywhere whilst he is kilted. Man, to be truthful, I would hate walking around with someone who was cringing all the while because of my kilt. It would facilitate neither confidence nor comfort, and it would be downright annoying!

I most likely missed this somewhere, but is there a problem with your wearing a kilt when you are not with your wife, Dana? If so, is it an issue of your not being permitted to wear one anywhere because in her eyes [or those of her friends or family] it makes you look effeminate, which in turn paints her a shade with which she is not comfortable since she is married to someone who [in her eyes] is looking effeminate?

Personally, while I would certainly entertain not wearing a kilt around my wife if she didn't find it tasteful or desireable, I would be quite inclined to dress as I pleased when not in her company. I would consider it most unreasonable for her to dictate my style of dress in the latter situation.

Mychael

**Blu (Ontario)** · 19th February 05, 08:34 AM

Originally Posted by dana

... I will never give up my desire for kilts, I just have to admire them from a distance now, and hope that possibly someday she might change her mind. I hope those of you in a relationship will understand and support my decision... dana

Only you can determine if it is the right one.

Life is a one time gift. In this life we set many goals. But each of us have our own web of personal circumstances which constrains our path towards them. And none of us gets through this life without many roadblocks. At the end, when we shed this mortal coil, it's hoped we each make the right decisions and can look back on life with few regrets. Unfortunately, it's a one way trip... and a relatively short one.

All the best to you both.

blu

**kimsey** · 19th February 05, 12:38 PM

keep your wife and the kilts,load both of them up and drive over to the grandfather mountain highland games in north carolina this summer..it'll be cool weather and there will be scads of kilts present..it might just change her attitude..

**Raphael** · 19th February 05, 01:08 PM

Attitude is not a easy thing to change, specially if she is holding a strong opinion. The more you push her, the more she will resist. Just take it easy and take your time.

Taking her to highland will back fire.

**dana** · 19th February 05, 01:35 PM

Originally Posted by Raphael

Attitude is not a easy thing to change, specially if she is holding a strong opinion. The more you push her, the more she will resist. Just take it easy and take your time.

Taking her to highland will back fire.

Raphael,

You have great wisdom even though you appear so young. (That is meant to be a compliment) I agree that pushing too hard will only make the situation worse. I am going to gently ask her if she will go to the tartan day celebration near us in April to meet Todd. Hopefully she'll go with me.

Thanks for understanding

dana

**macwilkin** · 19th February 05, 01:50 PM

I am going to gently ask her if she will go to the tartan day celebration near us in April to meet Todd. Hopefully she'll go with me.

If she does go, Dana, my wife and several other ladies from the Springfield Scottish society will be there, and I'm sure they would be happy to answer any questions she might have.

Cheers,

Todd