feeling special is not OK

[Dreadbelly]

Dread, LOL! And not just because of what you suggested, but because I did something similar to this when she came home tonight. I have decided to make some kilts (been reading Barb's book) and purchased 2 different materials this weekend (more to come on that in another thread!). Anyway, I was debating whether the one material should hemmed or the selvedge left as is (think the white line on Graham's latest acquisition). I decided to take it to my resident expert (who said she would not have an answer when I first asked her if she could give me some fashion advice on my kilt making), and she said that I definitely needed a hem on the material in question and was not unhappy to giv me the information. Maybe this is the approach I need to take, let her decide which tartan and the shirt and accessories for each day!

That's important too. Offer the woman the illusion of being in charge and in control. Say "This is what I am doing to day, and what I will be wearing. How would you like for me to go about doing it and do these socks match my belt?"

[jfellrath]

I'm going to throw another idea out there that may or may not be coming into play here between you and your wife. Ladies and gentlemen, please don't be offended by what I'm about to say (I don't know that you will be, but the possibility is there).

Men have a tendency, once they get "settled" in life (as a lot of us seem to be) to look for an adventure of some kind to get some of that personal excitement of youth back. Some do it by buying a sports car or a boat, some do it by skydiving, some do it by starting up an instrument or even doing negative things like drinking, fighting, etc. I'm going to throw out the idea here that some may even do it by trying out kilts full-time.

After some soul-searching, I realize that this is part of what does it for me. I like the adventure of stepping out every day in a garment that is a little different and is going to make people think a bit.

But I think the difference between a normal mid-life crisis and a kilted one is that we realize that the kilt really is a great change and therefore we want to keep it going. It's comfortable, etc. I won't go into all the reasons because there's a whole freaking forum full of them out there.

Now, on the other hand, I think women see these mid-life crises, roll their eyes, and wait for them to be over. And most of them aren't really going to affect anything in their lives. Sure, a sports car might cost a lot, and yeah, you could get hurt skydiving, but when there's a kilt involved, that tends to affect them, too - in the way THEY'RE percieved by their friends and people around them.

And the other side of the mid-life crisis is that eventually, it'll be over. But when it's NOT over, because of the aforementioned "kilts rule" discovery, that concerns them because their lives are changed. And therein lies some of the worry for some ladies. So many of them will rebel against the change by making excuses (some of which may actually have some basis in fact, such as the possibility of cow-orkers and management judging you harshly and causing reviews to be bad).

Now, this is not to say that all of us are this way - men or women. But the stereotype of the mid-life crisis is out there and it's hard to overcome stereotypes, even for the most open-minded people.

Again, these are GENERALITIES and don't necessarily apply to EVERYONE here, just my thoughts.

[KiltedCodeWarrior]

Jamie,

A mid-life crisis is actually one of the possibilities raised by my wife's sister as my motivation when my wife told her I was wearing a kilt to work. She also had these other theories: losing my marbles, trying to be sexy, and testing my man-hood! I don't feel like this is a mid-life crisis for me (but I've never had one, so who knows!) and since I plan on living to be at least 100, I have at least 10-12 more years to go before mid-life!

I do agree with your thoughts on this though, and particularly the possible opinions of the women in our lives. This morning was actually a good morning and we talked a little about when I am going to wear the kilt, both work and personal. No agreeements, but at least discussion.

RJI

[highlander_Daz]

I thinkthere are plenty of opportunites to wear the Kilt outside of work, even in Scotland the kilt is only worn on special occasions at work or if Im pipeing. Maybe your setting yourself a very difficult goasl if You start off wearing it on odd occasions people will accept you as "the guy with the kilts", then maybe you could increase it. My cousin who lives in England and has an English accent decided to wear the kilt at a resteraunt to celebrate his birthday, his wifes friend at work said they didnt think it was appropriate and she made a fuss, the people who were saying it wasnt appropriate were not even invited. Being of Scottish blood and regarding himself as a Scot despite being born and brought up in England he was determained to wear the Kilt, his wife just kept saying "but your not Scottish!!!!" and his wife was upset because women were looking at my cousin in the resteruant (suprise suprise) In the end my cousin bought tickets for a charity ball in aid of a charity and went wearing a PC and Kilt and wore one at new year, His wife now acceps the Kilts as my cousins formal wear. I was suprised how much of a fuss his wife made and the comments "but your not Scottish" just becasue he has an English mother were very cruel "but your only half Scottish" was the next silly comment in my view you cant be half this or a quarter that-Its a case of "Scot or not!!"

[Archangel]

The "change of life" tack reminds me that the alternative to the new sport car, kilt, adventure, whatever is usually a trophy wife.

With hindsight, the kilt, sportscar, etc. is usually the better choice.


Something else to consider.

[KiltedCodeWarrior]

The "change of life" tack reminds me that the alternative to the new sport car, kilt, adventure, whatever is usually a trophy wife.

With hindsight, the kilt, sportscar, etc. is usually the better choice.


Something else to consider.

My wife actually said something similar to me in an email earlier today. That if this is a mid-life crisis and the worst thing is wearing a kilt, she will probably let it go and take it in stride. I did agree that if she felt strongly about my wearing a kilt to a particular event or venue that I would listen to her concerns and be open to not wearing a kilt. Specifically, we will be going to Disney in a few weeks for a reunion, and she has asked if I would wear shorts when we are going to a theme park where I will be crawling around on things with the girls, and I have no problem with that because I can wear some loose, comfortable shorts which are much better than trousers!

[Schultz]

I was suprised how much of a fuss his wife made and the comments "but your not Scottish" just becasue he has an English mother were very cruel "but your only half Scottish" was the next silly comment in my view you cant be half this or a quarter that-Its a case of "Scot or not!!"

I can definitely relate to this. My FMiL (future mother-in-law) was aghast and seemingly personally offended that I was going to marry her daughter wearing a kilt, even though it's something I've wanted to do since I first saw a groom in a kilt when I was 12. One of her last ditch efforts was the old line, "Well, how Scottish are you?". I replied that my grandmother was Scottish and she goes, "Well, that barely counts..." Of course, I had to remind her that her so called Italian daughter was only 1/4 Italian. She shut her trap pretty quickly.

Her next idea was to issue a bogus ultimatum to Miranda along the lines of, "It's either a relationship with me or the kilt." Miranda took the kilt, and the old Battle Axe has actually cooled considerably, and even mentioned my wedding attire w/o sneering a couple weeks ago.

It's amazing what standing your ground with some difficult people can do. The fact that I've made it abundantly clear that I'm not living my life for FMiL nor will I ever and I really don't care what she thinks has actually made things easier between us.

[Sherry]

Sherry, you are right on! This has been a very difficult year that has seen the sudden death of my wife's sister's husband due to liver disease, the loss of my job due to a merger, and a cross country move (Tampa to Chicago) to start a new job. She is very concerned due to my being in a new company and how wearing the kilt might affect my raises, promotions, etc., which is where the discussion this morning began. This morning I was certainly to blame, and said so to her, in not agreeing to discuss the issue later when we had more time instead of just not responding. I saw it as a case of not getting into a discussion that would lead to an argument and long conversation, but I agree that to her it seemed like I did not care for what she thought, which is not true.

I also sincerely appreciate your input from another women's perspective.

RJI

Ah, well, I knew I was right. All kidding aside tho', I knew she'd be really hacked off after I read that you had walked away without saying a word. She would only interpret that in a negative way. (No you don't get the benefit of the doubt on that one!)

I'm glad you are working it out together. Working it out as partners, as opposed to some power struggle, will pay big dividends for your marriage & your family.

Sherry
Married 25 years to the same, fine man--no, really!

[David White]

Her next idea was to issue a bogus ultimatum to Miranda along the lines of, "It's either a relationship with me or the kilt." Miranda took the kilt, and the old Battle Axe has actually cooled considerably, and even mentioned my wedding attire w/o sneering a couple weeks ago.

Holy Cow! She really said that? How close will she live to you anyways?

dave, who is very glad his mother-in-law is very understanding.

[Schultz]

Holy Cow! She really said that? How close will she live to you anyways?

dave, who is very glad his mother-in-law is very understanding.

She says alot of things like that have meaning in reality.

For the moment, they live just 30 minutes away. The woman is definitely a control freak who is about to lose her only child, and is terrified that Miranda is going to move away and never speak to her again (I wonder why, eh?). She is tactless and a bit immature and really has a problem with accepting different people. It's odd, as she was very much a hippie in her youth and very supportive of different things until she turned 40, then she did a 180 turn. She's now very much opposed to different things and keeps saying she wishes people would "grow up". I have a dozen theories as to why she is the way she is, ranging from jealousy and envy to never really cutting her own umbilical cord (they live literally across the alleyway from her parents, and have since they got married).

But at the same time, no one's ever really stood up to her before. My hope is that she'll come around, especially once we move away...like upper New England away.