a son? yeah, right...

[Colin]

I have been in the situation before I started dating my wife, the woman and I had an agreement, I would not meet the children until we had decided to take the relationship somewhere that required it. This was relatively easy because she has split custody with her husband, I don't know if that is your case. The nice thing is that it kept the relationship between her and i, when things didn't work out, I was breaking up with her not her and children I became attached to. We dated for about a year. We are still friends and I think I might have met the children a time or two, but it was always this is my friend. Just my eperience it may not work the same for you.

A very good friend of mine was in a similar situation. They dated for about 3-4 months before the children were introduced to the relationship regularly. This seemed to work for awhile. Unfortunately when they went a step further and moved in together, the relationship had more strain and ended up breaking up. A mothe ris very commited to her children and not taking that into account from the start can be a huge downfall. The child is part of who this woman is and ignoring that is not really getting to know this woman. Finding ways to enjoy and grow a relationship with a single parent is easy, but you have to do it from the begining.

The kid has likely already had some disappointment in their lives (mommy and daddy aren't together after all) so it won't tramatize him for life if you and his mother don't work out. Let her decide how to introduce the situation as she will know her kid better than anyone.

[AckZel]

I will absolutely still keep seeing her. Afterall she is a student and the kid is at daycare every day mon-fri and i have many free days usually at middle of the week so if she dont want to introduce the kid yet we can still keep seeing... easily. Well, we will see. She is very reserved about men, because the father of the boy turned out to be the worst kind of *******.

[Shay]

As a former single mom myself, I was very cautious about who I told my daughter about or whom I told about her- while I'm not all, "Oooh! Pedophiles are peeking through the cracks!" there is a legitimate concern that someone could pretend to love me to get to my daughter... sad though that is for everyone involved.

I'd say keep seeing her, and ask her what she thinks is a reasonable point for you to meet her child and how. If she says RIGHTNOWOMGLETSGO... eep. If she says something like, "Maybe you can come over for a dinner when we get to know each other better," that's pretty normal. Anything low key (remember, 2.5 year olds are a bit noisy, smelly, and rammy by their nature, so maximize the comfort level) is fine- just try to remember that the kid's not going to be interested in you for a while since, as my darling husband put it, "You're the one who takes Mommy away."

[bubba]

My friend Rob went out with Tina for 3 months before he met the kids, but he knew about them after a couple weeks. He went kinda slow with them after he met them but by the time he married Tina he was another grownup to get hugs from and cuddle with when they didn't feel well. He did have doubts for awhile about taking on a readymade family but now he couldn't imagine not being their daddy.Something like this just takes time and a sharp limit on expectations. If it works, great. Best to be friends for awhile before even considering more.

[auld argonian]

To be serious...perhaps if you are going to meet the little dude you should plan to do it in a very casual way the first time...as if you and the young lady "just happened to run into each other...we know each other from school" and "say, if you have a few extra minutes, why don't we stop and get a cup of coffee...". Just think that the casual approach takes any pressure off every one and would let the two of you feel out how the kid is reacting to it all.

Best

AA

ps: ...and I envy you your youth...if I were in a situation where I was meeting a girl my age that had children, the children would probably be in their thirties!

[GMan]

Life sure is full of surprises isn't it?

Sort of a neat surprise, but it is a responsability. After the initial schock wears off, it may just work out well. It sounds as if you are progressing at a good pace. Good luck.

[davedove]

You're only 22 and you've only been seeing her a couple of weeks! Relax and take it slow. First of all you don't really know her so you can't know how it will turn out. Just take it easy and see what develops. Yeah, you might not be ready to be a stepfather, but nobody is asking you to do so yet. You've got a lot of years ahead of you. This might be the right one and it might not. Only time will tell.

[Macman]

All of this advice is good. It also brings back some memories for me. My wife was a single mom when I met her. When we started going out, her son was almost four. I was a single dad with three older kids. There were ups and downs (to put it really mildly!). I am now the proud stepdad of a 17 year old who is about to graduate from high school.

I guess the point is, it's still early days. See how it goes!
Best,
David

[AckZel]

ps: ...and I envy you your youth...if I were in a situation where I was meeting a girl my age that had children, the children would probably be in their thirties!

"Youth is a gift, but getting older is a form of art." -Juha "Watt" Vainio

[minimalistix]

If your really like her, just keep dating her and don't meet the kid until much later. And for god sakes don't have unprotected sex with her.

She probably didn't tell you she had a kid on the front end because she was into you and didn't want to scare you away.

Me personally, I generally don't date a whole lot of women with children for the main reason is complicates things and I don't like complications when they aren't of my own making. Besides, I want to enjoy marriage for a few years without having an instant family and have to deal with issue relating to children.

Just my 2 cents