Oh, Derek! What are we to do with you?! Please don't waste your money on medicines - think of that expense being put towards a new cilt instead. What we need to do is to get you into a 'Utilicilt' - a nice, gutsy Workman's model should do the trick. ;) These are real work clothes - Freedom Kilts and R-Kilts are too smart for labouring wear - at least, mine are!

Unfortunately, at the last count, Utilicilts were accepting only telephone orders (which can be a considerable additional cost from here), so let's not rush this one. Look at it this way: this is the opportunity you have subconsciously been waiting for. Now is the time to research the precise Utilicilt your heart truly desires - model (maybe it's not the Workman's after all), colour, size, all the options in fact. Then it's break open the piggy-bank time (I will help you do that - it's something I am very good at!), and let's get that order winging its way over to Seattle - their web-ordering system should be operative by then!

I am jonesing on your behalf already