Advice/support regarding attitudes towards kilt-wearing

[Alan H]

Because I only just started wearing the kilt, and I have 43 years of being accepted for who I was when I wasn't wearing it. That suddenly went away as soon as I took off the trousers. If I put 'em back on, I know that all of a sudden I'll be accepted for who I am again. Is that right? No. Is it easier, hell yeah!

On the 'radiating a challenge' thing, I don't really accept that I should have to 'stare people down' in order to be accepted. I can do it, heck, I DO do it, because there really isn't an alternative as far as I can see, but doing the mental equivalent of a genial "f*** you" every time I meet someone isn't exactly my style.

I hear ya!!! Who wants to live their lives with a chip on their shoulder all the time? It's not my style, either. However, in a way it was good for me to be/think/act very differently for a little while. I know that sounds nuts, but I really think it was good. For me personally, it was good to have a charged issue with my spouse that I would not back down on. Not giving in to her misgivings, little looks, comments and eyerolls has helped the power-balance and respect issues within our marriage. I learned some things during that chip-on-the-shoulder period, and that was good. I don't expect other people to necessarily want to do the same thing, though, and I very much wouldn't want to spend my whole life living like that..

It may very well be that it's a tremendous lot easier to exist in your part of town in trousers than it is in a kilt. So you'll have to make that decision yourself. I will say that I think you should try it and see if more of the negative reaction you feel that you're seeing is in your own head, rather than actually out there. A few glances from men from cultures with no exposure to kilts, women checking out a sporran, and/or a gaggle of immature teenagers pointing and laughing is not unusual. Having the men at the lumberyard laugh at you and refuse to find the 3/4 inch ACX plywood and haul six pieces of it to the bed of your truck is a problem and that is very different. Being refused service in a restaurant is a problem.

On the one hand, it's easier to trot around in what everyone expects you to wear. And after all, you (and I) wore pants for forty-ump years and I don't think either of us would say we were weak-kneed, spineless conformists just because we happened to wear pants. So if you want to wear pants, heck yes....wear pants. I wear pants 3-4 days a week.

On the other hand, if you want to wear a kilt and you let other peoples expectations prevent you from doing that, then where does that leave you?
Certainly if your workplace has a dress code that forbids kilts, then you're pretty much stuck, eh? If you're in an industry where you don't necessarily go to a workplace, but you depend on contacts and "impressions" of clients and other people you work with to keep work flowing, then perhaps you will be sacrificing income to indulge a kilt-wearing habit. Only you will know if that's worth it to you.

I, personally, live in a University town in Northern California. I dress cleanly and reasonably smartly for work. I've worn kilts 2-3 days a week to work now for almost a year, and no real repercussions. However, I was *Very* leery those first few weeks, I can tell you. For me, it became an independence issue. I know this sounds crazy, but I wanted to wear a kilt. I found this online place called XMarksthe Scot and found a mess of other guys that wore kilts out and about in all sorts of different communities. I decided that I should try it. I faced objections and mistrust from my spouse about it. But I am adamant about ME making MY OWN decisions and so I stuck with it.

That's just me. Other people have other stories. You're obviously a thoughtful, intelligent guy who knows himself well enough to know how he wants to handle his life. This post may not provide answers for you, but I'll say this...I have confidence that you will come to a good decision for yourself.

Alan