Best quips/retorts to Kilt questions...

[millar]

Had a gentleman say to me this weekend that he wanted to hear the bagpipes. I told him I'd love to hear him play. He just looked at me vacantly and smiled and I waved and moved along.

[GlassMan]

My favorite is when someone attractive asks if you're cold under your kilt to say, "That depends, are you offering to warm things up?"

[CameronTaylor]

Was down to Newport Beach where I've gotten the snide comments previously about my kilts so I was ready .... and happily all the comments were good.
One stocky gent came up, looked at me and asked "where does a man buy a kilt around here? I think I've finally gotten the stones enough to wear one"
I don't think he'll hear any disparaging(sp?) comments about his "skirt".
Another guy on the way out said "Hey, nice kilt !"
Still later on my way out to my car in Fullerton I heard some giggles from a couple of young girls which I ignored, followed by two guys in their mid-20s.
One said "Hey man, that's a nice kilt" I of course said Thanks.
Seems the general population likes the Irish National (which my lead singer and I now call "beligerently green" ... it's bright).


CT - a happy dog

[GatorUK]

One member of the forum (who I cannot recall to give proper credit)put forth the following when asked if he plays the bagpipes: "No I don't..do you play the banjo?" It does leave them confused for a second or two.

If I'm with the wife and someone asks if I have on anything under the kilt she cracks up and says "you're kidding, right?"

[Brewboy]

Old thread, but still very relevant.

As a smart ***, I love smart *** comments. I was out last night doing some live band karaoke in my kilt (say what you like, but I love karaoke). The band were huge smart asses and were messing with everyone who came up. It was great fun.

When it came my turn, they got looks on their faces like christmas had come. We started going back and forth with our various quips, all in good fun, and had the whole bar laughing uproriously by the time I started my song. Some favorites:

---
guitarist: Wait, are you Scottish?

me: I'm Lithuanian.

guitarist: Really?

me: No.
---
drummer: What are you wearing under there?

me: Your girlfriend's lipstick.
---
The guitarist then laid down on the stage to perform a kilt check
guitarist: I can see this guy's twig and berries.

me: Keep your face there, I need to take a leak.

(this is not the first time people have laid down to try and see what's up the kilt. when it happens, alcohol is usually involved)
---
My absolute favorite quip came from the bassist. He asked me what my sporran was, but before I could answer with my own smart *** comment, he called it my Scottish magnum condom holder. Only holds one. It was so much better than anything I was gonna say.

[Captain Karrot]

My absolute favorite quip came from the bassist. He asked me what my sporran was, but before I could answer with my own smart *** comment, he called it my Scottish magnum condom holder. Only holds one. It was so much better than anything I was gonna say.

As a smart *** myself, I gotta say that I LOVE this response, especially since you didn't have to say it yourself! Actually, it is a good response to keep in the inventory!

[ardchoille]

bystander: Nice skirt!
me: (pointing at bystander's clothes) Nice pajamas!
bystander: I'm not wearing pajamas
me: I'm not wearing a skirt
me: (smile and walk away)

This was from someone on these boards, but I forget who.

[Galb]

Last night I wore my Black Watch over to my friend's house for her birthday. Her husband answered the door and when he saw the kilt he got this giant grin across his face. I knew, and was warned by my wife, that he would be ribbing me all night about it. I welcomed it, after all, it is all in good fun.

Well, the topic came up later that night about "what is under the kilt." Immediately a question came from the birthday girl "wait, are you not wearing underwear?!" Before I could answer, my wife simply blurted out "Don't ask, don't tell" with a sly grin. Later when it was brought up again I simply asked the young female "How cold are your hands?" That got a giggle.

It was a fun night. I caught a bunch of crap from the guys about it, but like I said, it was all in good fun. And of course, someone broke out quoting the parent's lines from "So I Married an Axe Murder". I need to get that movie...

...Anyways, I'm going to use some of these phrases I find around here...especially the "My bagpipes, wanna give em a blow?" response. ;)

[thescot]

One member of the forum (who I cannot recall to give proper credit)put forth the following when asked if he plays the bagpipes: "No I don't..do you play the banjo?" It does leave them confused for a second or two.. . .

OH, man, I have a new favorite. I may have to go out kilted all day just to try to get someone to ask me that!

[Ancienne Alliance]

OH, man, I have a new favorite. I may have to go out kilted all day just to try to get someone to ask me that!

The problem is I play the pipes AND Old Time banjo...