I confess it...I wear a schmipp

[Alan H]

Yes, I do. It's called a schmipp. schmipp. The word is tranlated from the Gaotruct language in the fourteenth century to mean, roughly "one who feeds the ducks stale bread", after the habit in Gaotructland, of that unique practice at that time....according to the best known source, which of course is in doubt since the only surviving historical reference is in fact some etchings in my attic.

It's made of cloth in a bunch of patterns called fumbwutts. Well, the traditional ones are called fumbwutts. The modern ones are called fumblatts, and there's the Royal Society of Fumb to keep track of them all because it's terriblycomplicated. There are scavenging fumbwutts and ancient fumbwutts, faded fumbwutts and the well-known Royal Fumbwutt. The ancient fumbwutts are derived from an historical garment, known in the distant past as a fumbwuttishottenbooten.

The really non-traditional ones are sometimes called wangtwiddles, except that some of them are actually made in solid colors.

A schmipp is a very unique garment. It has an over-wupp and and under-wupp, which lie across the frontside of the wearer.. It has boocles and schtrappesschoootenbooten which hold the over-wupp and the under-wupp across one another. However, some over more modern schmipps...or "pseudo-schmipps" as some traditionalists like to call them are actually held on by interlaying layers of bellcrow.

Well, not to get specific, here, but around the backside of the schmipp you'll find a lot of queets, which are folds in the cloth put in by the builder who MUST live in the ancestral homeland of Gaotructland, have sacrificed all chances of reproduction in order to be properly trained in the manufacture of schmipps, and besides is really, really ugly.

I have to say this...so you all listen to to what I say because I'M RIGHT and it has to be THIS WAY and NO OTHER.

A schmipp that doesn't have a traditional fumbwutt, if it doesn't have perfectly formed over-wupps and under-wupps...if there aren't boocles and schtrappesschoootenbooten (that horrible bellcrow stuff)... and if the queets aren't all queeted to the fumbwutt...WELL

*huff*

then it's not a schmipp.

......and I don't want to hear nothing about any new fancy-pantalones language, to describe this stuff, either, or have any words like "queet" used in ANY other context.

*********************

The above, in case you weren't sure, is delivered much tongue in cheek, in the spirit of .... Let's not get too terribly lost in the language or too dogmatic, because whatever we choose to wrap around our ****(s) to preserve our societal decency as well as keep our nether regions warm, if we're here, we're by definiton of 99% of the rest of society, WEIRD.

Just like me.

So.

[Kilteado]

Brilliant!!



How to recognise a true schmipp from a faked made-in-china schmipp?

[Southern Breeze]

Awsome!

[ByDand]

That is Great Alan. However it is scary that at 7:25 AM, I understood every word ??: What a way to start the day! Thanks Alan :grin:

[Moosehead]

Seems, Alan, that you have much too much time on your hands.

[davedove]

I'll have you know I have ancestors who were proud Gaotruct warriors and take great pride in wearing my ancestral garment, the schmipp. All of these so called modern schmipps are poor imitations of a proud garment, and are never worn by true Gaotructmen.;)

This is great Alan.

Dave ... I just have to get a schmipp in my family fumbwutt.

[KiltedCodeWarrior]

Methinks Alan had a wee dram too many late last night and started waxing poetical!

Funny post Alan!

[cavscout]

What's that wobblysack that hangs in front of the schmipp? Point well, made Alan

[UmAnOnion]

Am i the only one here who, on first glance, thought Alan was making a strange reference to one of the more obscure Three Stooges...??? ??:

[GlassMan]

But you forgot about the necessary gerschmuppenvershlaghosterhausen!