A Scottish Fruit Cake Recipe...

1 cup water
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
nuts
1 gallon malt whisky


Sample the whisky to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again to be sure it is of the utmost quality.
Pour one level cup and drink neat. Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl.

Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whisky is still OK. Cry another tup. Turn off mixer.
Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or samethin'.
Who cares? Check the whisky again.

Now, sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or samethin'. Whatever ye can fin.
Grease the ooven. Turn the caike tin tae 350 degreesh.
Dinnae forget tae beat aff the turner. Throo the bowl oot of the windee.
Chick ra whisky again.
try tae crail tae bed.
Whoo ra fekk likes fritkick anyhoo an a'.....