"WHAT DO YOU WEAR UNDER YOUR KILT?"

* How badly do you want to know?
* How warm are your hands?
* Me mother once told me a real lady wouldn't ask. She was right.
* On a good day, lipstick.
* Play your cards right and you can find out.
* Sorry, I'm a bit shy and not much good with words. Give me your hand...
* Talcum powder

"WHAT'S UNDER YOUR KILT?"

* A wee set of pipes.
* Bagpipes, wanna give 'em a blow?
* It's the smallest airport in the world.....2 hangars and a night fighter.
* My shoes and socks.
* String -- I had to tie it up so it didn’t hang below the kilt.

"WHAT'S WORN UNDER YOUR KILT?"

* Nothing is worn, everything is in perfect working order.

"WHY DO THEY CALL IT A KILT?"

* 'Cause that's what I did to the last guy who called it a skirt!



Here are some suggestions assuming a gentleman is being queried by another gentleman:

* Same as you, only bigger.
* Your wife's/sister's/mother's lipstick.