Rules for Dating My Daughter

[Tattoo Bradley]

I have no kids yet. But, my sister is about ready to pop out two. Yes TWO, not one, but TWO baby girls. I put the fear of something or other in more than one of my sister's boyfriends over the years. She already knows what to expect for these two in the coming years.

[Randy]

When my daughter was much younger I searched the net for child rearing tips. That was funny, but you really need to googlize "Application for Permission to Date My Daughter".

A friend of mine used to post range targets on the fridge. One fellow dating his daughter complimented him on his accuracy. The fellow was informed it was his daughters target.

[Southern Breeze]

When my daughter was much younger I searched the net for child rearing tips. That was funny, but you really need to googlize "Application for Permission to Date My Daughter".

A friend of mine used to post range targets on the fridge. One fellow dating his daughter complimented him on his accuracy. The fellow was informed it was his daughters target.

I wonder how many could pass that application!

NOTE: This application will be rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

1. NAME _______________________________ DATE OF BIRTH ________________
2. HEIGHT ____________________ WEIGHT __________ I.Q _______ G.P.A.______
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________ DRIVERS LICENSE # __________________
4. BOY SCOUT RANK______________________________________________ ______
5. HOME ADDRESS _________________ CITY/STATE ___________ ZIP _________
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?___________________________
If No., EXPLAIN __________________________________________________ _
7. Number of years your parents have been married ____________________________
8. Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversized tires? ______ A waterbed? _______
Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? A tattoo_________________
(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises)
9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?____________________
__________________________________________________ _____________________
10. In 50 words or lest, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
__________________________________________________ _______________________
__________________________________________________ _______________________
11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
__________________________________________________ ___________________
12. Church you attend _____________ How often do you attend __________________
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister?______
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)
a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is ________
b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ________________
c) A woman's place is in the ________________________________________
d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _____________
e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her ______________
( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? __________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

________________________________________ Signature ( That means your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest Please allow four to six months for processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury.) if your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases. (You might want to watch your back)

[Southern Breeze]

This ones for all the firemen out there.

A Fireman's Little Girl
I am very dedicated to my work. I wear firefighter shirts every day, even when I'm not on duty. The fire department is my second home, and my second family. It often seems as if my life revolves around the fire department, but it means nothing compared to my little girl. I am normally a very friendly person, but if you hurt my little girl you will make me mad. I know my little girl is growing up, even if I don't like it. She seems to like you, so I'll tolerate you dating her, but here are a few things for you to think about while you're with her:

First of all, I go into burning buildings to save people that I've never even seen before, you can't imagine how protective I am of my little girl.

I once broke a man's sternum by accident while doing CPR to save his life. If that's how I help people what do you think I do when I'm pissed off?

I investigate arson fires. I know exactly what clues to look for to prove it was arson,so I also know how to make sure nobody can tell how a fire started... and I know where you live. Remember Backdraft?

I've worked more car accidents than you.ll ever see, the sight of blood doesn't bother me one little bit.

It's normal for me to carry chainsaws, axes, and various other extremely sharp tools in my car..touch my little girl and me and you take a little ride.

When we burn down a house for training, nobody ever looks in the closets.

I use the jaws of life to tear doors off wrecked cars. They cut though solid metal like a hot knife through butter. So watch your paws or get the jaws.

Sirens and air horns can really muffle the sounds of someone screaming.

Most of my friends are cops, paramedics, or firefighters. WE ARE 911. If you make me mad who do you think you're going to call for help?

I have access to explosives.

I am well trained in emergency medicine. I know exactly which arteries are the easiest to sever and which ones bleed the most. (remember all the sharp tools?)

Even though my little girl insists that you are a nice guy, and not like most other guys, I know better. I was once your age, I know EXACTLY what you're thinking. Because of that I already have plenty of reasons to not like you. It wouldn't take much at all to push me over the edge, and I just sharpened my axe.

So if you want to date my little girl you better keep these things in mind. Fireman are protective by nature, and there is nothing we are more protective of than our little girls. Whenever you're alone with her, you better remember that someday you may be alone with me!

[davedove]

I really like these:

This ones for all the firemen out there.

When we burn down a house for training, nobody ever looks in the closets.

Most of my friends are cops, paramedics, or firefighters. WE ARE 911. If you make me mad who do you think you're going to call for help?

Whenever you're alone with her, you better remember that someday you may be alone with me!

[Livingston]

All well and good....BUT what do you do when your daughter is dating a cop The good thing is that she REALLY likes him. AND even tho he is a big guy, he was very nervous when they were out here at the beginning of the month and we took them up to meet my 79 year old father. I think Dad scared him even tho he's 5' 5" and out of shape.

[smaughazard]

My girls are 18 and 20 now, and well able to take care of themselves. When they first started dating, I simply insisted that they be picked up at home- and I made a point of answering the door. Usually in an old bike rally shirt that says "What the F*** are YOU lookin' at?" Plus, I'm 6'3'', 250 lbs. and ugly…

[GreenDragon]

i'm saving this whole list for if/when i have a daughter.