The Houses of X Marks.

[Panache]

It is an ancient custom of X Marks the Scot. An aged tam, faded and battered, yet revered by the League of the Moderators is brought forth each year and set on a chair before the kilted newbies. This magical hat will direct these newcomers to that House which will provide guidance and precedent for the kilted education and adventures that lay ahead of them. They will approach the mysterious mystical tam. One by one they will nervously don it to hear their placement. Before this, the enchanted tam moves of it's own volition and sings a song. Each year the song is different. A hush falls over the kilted newbies as Colin flanked by an honor guard of the KiltedCodeWarrior and starbkjus brings forth the tattered yet strangely powerful hat. He sets it reverently on the chair and steps away. The lights dim and the hat begins it's song


Listen ye kilties and gather round
Those who are lost shall be found
Place this battered tam on thy brow
I will read those thoughts that you allow
And to a House of X Marks you’ll be sent
one that is a best fit for your temperament

For those that are of tastes refined
Of other’s opinions they never mind
For one with such wisdom, wit, and grace
In House Hamish you’ll find your place

Those among you who love to talk
Look for the sign of the Tartan Peacock
For they who value flair and flash
Will find home in House Panache

For those who love Military History
House Cajunscot is the place to be.
While those who love old Scotland
House Mike1 you’ll find just grand

If you love to make and tinker
House Alan H. welcomes a thinker
If horrible puns fill your head
Welcome to House Retro Red

In Whisky knowledge, if you’re worth your salt
You shall raise a dram at House Pour1Malt
If with music you fill your time of leisure
House Derek shall take your measure

Your ability to make things unreal?
You belong in House O’Neille
Perhaps you long for Desert Lands
I’ll put you House Riverkilt’s hands

Kilt Lore is for those of House Matt Newsome
Have your facts straight , they’ll bid you welcome
A Jolly Roger you wish to fly?
House DreadBelly bids you "Aye"

For those of you who don’t mind freezing
House Porrick will be most pleasing
If on occasion you wear green tights
On House Graham set your sights

If the French countryside appeals to you
To House Martin you will be true
If you are good chap, easy with to get along
In House Robin you’ll be strong

These Houses named are but a fraction
Of the ones you may follow in attire and action
Or you may create your own House unique
Decide for yourself what is right and chic
A House of your own style and wit
Wouldn’t that be a better fit?

with apologies to J.K. Rowling