Oh, we can have fun with this...

Older Women "You're wearing your kilt?"
Me "Yeah, the last time I checked"
Older Women "Shopping?"
Me "Actually I'm Shop-Lifting"
Older Women "What tartan is that, it's not that I'm colour blind, I just can tell"
Me "It's an 8 yard, knife pleated, 34" waist X-Marks the Scot tartan"
Older Women "Whats that"
Me "It's a Kilt, we've already covered that part..."
Older Women "I see....Your not wearing your Family tartan?"
Me "X Marks are my family"