Rules of Engagement:

Rule number 1: WIN.

Rule number 2: CHEAT.

Do not invade Russia in the winter. Or the spring. Or the autumn. You know what, just never invade Russia.

Never get involved in a land war in Asia.

Always aim for the hopeful young boy, never his world-weary superior.

Try not to look important; the enemy may be low on ammo.

You don't win by dying for your country; you win by letting the enemy die for their country.

If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike.

Use teamwork; it gives the enemy more targets.

Drop the pin, throw the grenade.

The Rules of the Philosophy Department of the University of Walamaloo

1: No pooftahs.

2: No member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way whatsoever if there's anybody watching.

3: No pooftahs.

4: I don't want to catch anyone not drinking in their room after lights out.

5: No pooftahs.

6: There is no rule six.

7: No pooftahs.