I hate to provide my explanation of what I understand Alan to say after he's sworn off any more posts . . . but here goes.

I have belonged to clubs where some members are so infatuated by the topic that it consumes them. All their time, their energy and their resources are directed at the topic. These same people have said - often in a very direct fashion - "If you can't afford [this activity], then get out." Their standard of how much money anyone should spend on the clubs topic was always far above most people's standards, and they looked down on anyone else who couldn't or wouldn't spend the same. Certainly some of this behavior was motivated by a desire to validate their own behavior, perhaps it was motivated by some form of snobbery (which is rude and off-putting whether you apologize or not).

I understood Alan to warn us away from extreme behavior where someone might say "If you can't afford [this activity], then get out." I didn't see his reference to various charities as chiding, but rather an explanation of *his* choices so you don't think badly of him when he declines a "you have to pay to play" mindset.

Abax