I too suffer from the dread sporranophobia. In my case it is that I don't like all my stuff just dumped into one bag where I have to fish for it. I also dislike that most sporran have the storage capacity of a chewing gum wrapper.

This is why I invented my kilts. But I fully understand not everyone likes my kilts.

The only time I wear a sporran is when I am wearing a Traditional Style Kilt without pockets. (yes, I actually own a Tank) Or when I;m wearing one of my Tartan Model Kilts. And with my kilts nothing but my wallet is in the sporran. Everything else I carry is in the pockets.

I actually believe that sporrans are the evil invention of a Traditional Kiltmaker who had a brother-in-law who needed a job. So the kiltmaker invented the sporran because his wife told him he had to hire her brother.
Then the kiltmaker left the pockets out of his kilts so his B-I-L would finally stay employed for once.

So I say to all you kilted gentlemen with sporrans, Throw them away. Release the rest of us from your incessant tassel drumming. End the tyranny of sporran slavery. That bum brother-in-law doesn't really want to work anyway. He would rather be sitting on the couch letting the Government buy his beer.