Missions of the Retrieval Team - A Kilt By Any Other Name

[KiltedSkeleton]

I give it two aprons way up.

[sharpdressedscot]

I'm interested. Good story so far, even though it's barely began.

[davedove]

Commercial Break

A bar

Three gentlemen are seated at a bar drinking beer. The beer in their glasses is a very pale yellow, obviously a typical mass-produced beer.

The first man takes a drink, and then sets the glass down with a disappointed look on his face.

“This beer is as bland as the last one.”

“Yeah,” says the second man, “they all taste the same.”

“It doesn’t taste like anything,” says the third man.

The bartender steps over. He is wearing a tartan kilt.

“Something wrong with the beer gents?” he asks them.

“This beer is so bland,” says the first man.

“It has no flavor,” says the second man.

“It tastes like water,” says the third.

“I’ve got something you might like better,” says the bartender. He reaches under the bar and pulls out three bottles. On the label is the name ‘X Brew’.

The first man reads the label. “X Brew?” he asks.

“What’s that?” asks the second man.

“We never heard of it,” says the third.

“It’s a little known Scottish Ale brewed at a secret location in the mountains of South Carolina. Try it; it’ll set your taste buds free.”

The three men shrug and pour the beer into their glasses. They lift the glasses and take a drink.

There is a flash of light and when it clears the three men are all wearing kilts. They set their glasses down with big smiles on their faces.

“That’s amazing!” says the first.

“So full of flavor!” says the second.

“Absolutely incredible!” says the third.

“I’m glad you like it,” says the bartender. “Say, where are you guys off to this afternoon, back to the office?”

“No way, I’m going out to play the bagpipes!” exclaims the first.

“And I’m going to toss the caber around!” announces the second.

“And I’m going to hunt some haggis!” says the third.

As the three men leave, the bartender picks up a bottle of X Brew and speaks to the audience. “X Brew, it sets your taste buds and your life free.”

[davedove]

Scene 1

Mountain Chalet in Colorado

I relaxed on the deck of my chalet, looking out over the mountains.

Ms. Stork sat in the chair beside me. She read the book in her lap, something about pre-Roman highland mythology.

I didn’t comment on the topic of her reading. Her knowledge of obscure subjects had saved the team more than once.

I heard the gunfire from the firing range down the hill. Ms. Hawk had her own idea of relaxing after a job.

I heard both swearing and yells of joy from the room just inside the doors to the deck. Ms. Swan and Ms. Raven were playing some sort of video game. From the sound of it, they were pretty evenly matched on this one.

Ms. Starling and Ms. Thrush were reclined in the hot tub on the deck. “Thank you Jonathan,” Ms. Thrush said as our butler brought drinks to them.

As Jonathan went inside, he passed Ms. Falcon on her way out. She was wiping her hands in a rag and had a bit of grease smudged on her cheek.

“How’s it coming?” I asked.

“I’m all done. If I’m right, we should get about an eight percent increase in speed from the engine now.”

My other associate, Ms. Wren, was on an extended leave of absence from the team. It seemed that her reunion with her husband had a welcome consequence. There would be a little wren coming soon.

Jonathan came back out with the phone. “Phone call for you sir,” he said to me. Mr. Panache.”

“Thank you Jonathan,” I said, taking the receiver. I spoke into it, “Hi Jamie, what can I do for you?”

“You can get here as soon as possible is what you can do,” he said. “We have a situation here at the Great Hall.”

I immediately sat up. The ladies all saw my expression and began moving themselves. Ms. Starling spoke into the radio she always kept handy, “Hawk, come back now.”

“What is it Jamie?” I asked. “Is it Globo-Fashion again?”

“No,” he answered. “But it’s something just as serious. Just get here.”

“We’re on our way,” I told him and hung up the phone.

“Jonathan,” I said. “We need to depart as quickly as possible. Help whoever needs it to pack up a quick bag and load it into the car. The chalet is yours until we return.”

“Yes sir,” he said, spinning around to make the preparations.

“What is it?” asked Ms. Starling.

“He wouldn’t say, but it’s big. I want everyone ready to go in ten minutes.”