What do I say to my Dad?

[jordanjm]

I was speaking with my dad tonight, and in the conversation I gave him a form to join our Clan Society, and the address to order a very good clan history. He proceeded to ask if I haven't gone over board on the "Scottish Stuff?" His reasoning was that the last "Real" McGilvray was his Great Grandfather. Now my McGilvrays have been in the USA since the late 1700s. How do I handle this?

[Rex_Tremende]

Well, for starters, you can let him think what he wants. It's unlikely that you'll change his opinion much. But you can let him know what you think, and if you think it's important to know your heritage in order to know yourself better, then just say so. No need to convert him into anything that he doesn't want to be. Put it on the table. If he picks it up, great, but if he doesn't, it hasn't changed a thing.

Good luck.
Rex.

[Derek Conley]

What does he mean, the last "real" McGilvray? Is that your last name, and his as well? If so, it seems to me that makes you all just as "real".

I've found that there are just some family members with no interest as to their family history... which is disheartening to be sure, but just the way of things.

[RockyR]

My dad isn't into the family history stuff nearly as much as I am and my mom was. It seems that some people find it very important to carry on and other don't... the problem is that if you have 2 generations in a row that don't care, you lose a LOT of information (if your father and grandfather didn't pay attention to their elders, you have no one to ask).

I'd simply express that you're interested in EVERY PART of your family history, including the 'scottish stuff'. You would like to make sure you don't lose a sense of who your family was and where everyone came from b/c it's a wonderful gift to be able to pass down to your children someday... the gift of their history and their legacy.

[Highlander31]

I agree with Rex. You can open the door, but it is entirely up to your father to step over the threshold.

[BroosterB1]

I think it's a touch sad that so many of our immediate forebears have so little sense of history that they want pretend that nothing happened before a 100 or so years ago.

The old saw of "Those who forget their past, are condemned to repeat it" works in families as well as countries. You might find something out the explains something else. In my case, I have found that despite my father's denial, we have a lot of ministers and other men of the cloth in my family, so my being one is not that unusual.

It's real common for people to want others to be interested in what they are interested in; but the reality is they may not be. There is another thing; your Dad may know more family history than he lets on, and he might not be to proud of it. In my case, some of my family are pretty much hooligans ( horse thieves and moonshiners) around the civil war period, and my aunt glossed over that period of history until I challenged her on it.

My Dad thought it was a riot; right up until he found out that his namesake had been hung for horse thievery and murder. To this day he thinks that the "brushy bend boys" were just a bunch of good old guys on the Missouri frontier, and not a bunch of outlaws who met their end at the business end of a Colt .45.

[Frank McGrath]

I just found out that one of my mother's forebears is German. So I figure that is the reason that llike oompah music. My mother was not interested in her "history" until my wife started asking all the famiy questons. Then she got in to it. My dad's family argued all the time and he just did not want to talk about them. P**p on them and live your own life. Call your relatives and ask them the questions. I had an uncle that fought the Germans in WWII. Until the day he died, he was fighting WWII. When We invited him to our wedding, I told him my bride's family had German Heritage, he refused to attend. We will celebrate 24 years on Jun 1. It didn't matter that my father in law was in the OSS. Do your own thing. Learn to research your own history. It's a lot of fun.

Rant over. Must relinquish soap box.

Frank

[McELT]

I got somewhat the same response from my family, my father in particular.

Before my grandfather passed away, I asked him a couple of questions about Ireland and where we came from. He responded that he really didn't know and that when he was growing up it was better to forget that stuff and become an "American".

My dad had a few "fairy tale" ideas about our background and where we were from in Ireland. As I started doing some reading and research, I found a wealth of information. At that point, my father became more disinterested, even though I thought it would cause the opposite.

I've tried to interest him in what I've learned, but I won't force it on him, but just let it out there.

If he wants to join in, he's welcome to, but I'm not going to let his attitude spoil my fun.

[Jock Scot]

You both have fair points, but bare just a thought for your father. When a lot of Scots,his and your ancestors, arrived in America,Australia,Canada,South Africa and who knows where else in this world, they had little good to remember Scotland for. They were starting afresh and why should they look back at the dismal and perhaps, painful past? Your father may just remember the stories that were far from a romantic view of the "old world". Each to their own.

[Raphael]

Before my grandfather passed away, I asked him a couple of questions about Ireland and where we came from. He responded that he really didn't know and that when he was growing up it was better to forget that stuff and become an "American".

You have nailed it. I would have to say that most Americans don't care about where their came from,

I don't want to turn this thread into a political debate, but most people move to America to become American. They don't really care about who they are and where they are from. Once they are assimilated to the American collective, they feel that resistance is futile.

I am glad that you took an interest in your roots. Last names should be more than just an identification. It should have meaning and history. Many people have lost their ethnic identities and become drones.