DIY Burn's Dinner

[IRISH]

began posting this on the off topic board, then figured what better place than on the diy board... for all of you procrastinators out there, there is still time to bang together a dinner tonight (or any night you please, for that matter...)

with money a bit tight and no proper burns dinner event in my immediate locality, we had a bit of a diy burn's dinner at home, sans haggis. i made our lamb and oats meatloaf, tattie/neeps suede and steamed carrots and barley. i taught my girls selkirk grace and then we watched address to the haggis on youtube. though absent was the jovial camaraderie of a public dinner, our version was not without its charms, topped off with a bit of ice cream and a few biscuits while we listened to prairie home companion on npr and i capped it off with a few belts of blended and single malt...

lamb and oats meatloaf
1lb each ground lamb and beef (as lean as possible)
2 eggs
1 cup uncooked oats
tsp each salt, pepper, thyme, basil, sage
1 medium onion diced
4 cloves garlic diced
1 half rib celery diced
1/2 carrot grated
3/4 cup ketchup
1tb worcestershire sauce
2 tb olive oil

1. heat oven to 350' f
2. saute onions, garlic and herbs in oil until onions are translucent
3. mix eggs, oats, salt and pepper in large bowl
4. add meat and mix with hands
5. add onion, garlic and herb saute and mix
6. add grated carrot and diced celery and mix
7. add ketchup and worcestershire and mix thoroughly
8. mold firmly into loaf shape and place in center of baking dish
9. bake on center rack for 1 hour, covered with foil for first 1/2 hour,
uncovered for last 1/2 hour.
10. remove when wooden skewer can be inserted and removed cleanly, as
well as when top of meatloaf is browned to satisfaction.
11. let cool for 5 mins and remove to cutting board

suede
1. cut 4 peeled or unpeeled potatoes and 4 peeled turnips into 2 inch chunks
2. boil completely covered in water for 15mins, until fork tender
3. strain in colander and rinse
4. return to warm pot and hand mash with one stick of butter
5. transfer to bowl of electric mixer and beat while slowly mixing in 1/2 cup
milk, 2tb sour cream and 2ts each salt and pepper. too much milk will
make for runny mash.
6. whip at high speed to desired thickness.
be sure to add salt and pepper to taste.

serve with steamed carrots, broccoli and barley, favorite stout or lager and finish up with tea and biscuits and your final final of whiskey. toast with your own readings of burns found online or with youtube videos by the pros.

[ChattanCat]

I going to pass this on to my better half, and a much better cook than I.

Thanks,

[###KILTEDKIWI###]

Thanks matey, sounds awesome...

[Rollo]

Thanks !

[Gilvray]

So - at a Burns night you can do what you want as long as it social.... puritans will tell you that you need to recite Burns - and you can but you dont have to..... HOWEVER it is great fun to get someone to address the Haggis... and I've got a couple of bits and pieces that you may find usefull.


Address To A Haggis in Auld Scots
Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o' the puddin-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy o' a grace
As lang's my arm.

The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin wad help to mend a mill
In time o' need,
While thro' your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.

His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An' cut you up wi' ready sleight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like ony ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin, rich!

Then, horn for horn,
they stretch an' strive:
Deil tak the hindmost! on they drive,
Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve,
Are bent lyke drums;
Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
"Bethankit!" 'hums.

Is there that owre his French ragout
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad mak her spew
Wi' perfect sconner,
Looks down wi' sneering, scornfu' view
On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him ower his trash,
As feckless as a wither'd rash,
His spindle shank, a guid whip-lash,
His nieve a nit;
Thro' bloody flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread.
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He'll mak it whissle;
An' legs an' arms, an' heads will sned,
Like taps o' thrissle.

Ye Pow'rs wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o' fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies;
But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer,
Gie her a haggis!

[Gilvray]

The Translation in Sassenach

Fair is your honest happy face
Great chieftain of the pudding race
Above them all you take your place
Stomach, tripe or guts
Well are you worthy of a grace
As long as my arm

The groaning platter there you fill
Your buttocks like a distant hill
Your skewer would help to repair a mill
In time of need
While through your pores the juices emerge
Like amber beads

His knife having seen hard labour wipes
And cuts you up with great skill
Digging into your gushing insides bright
Like any ditch
And then oh what a glorious sight
Warm steaming, rich

Then spoon for spoon
They stretch and strive
Devil take the last man, on they drive
Until all their well swollen bellies
Are bent like drums
Then, the old gent most likely to rift (burp)
Be thanked, mumbles

Is there that over his French Ragout
Or olio that would sicken a pig
Or fricassee would make her vomit
With perfect disgust
Looks down with a sneering scornful opinion
On such a dinner

Poor devil, see him over his trash
As week as a withered rush (reed)
His spindle-shank a good whiplash
His clenched fist.the size of a nut.
Through a bloody flood and battle field to dash
Oh how unfit

But take note of the strong haggis fed Scot
The trembling earth resounds his tread
Clasped in his large fist a blade
He'll make it whistle
And legs and arms and heads he will cut off
Like the tops of thistles

You powers who make mankind your care
And dish them out their meals
Old Scotland wants no watery food
That splashes in dishes
But if you wish her grateful prayer
Give her a haggis!

[Gilvray]

A Toast to the Lassies

Gentlemen, please rise...

Together we stand, here in praise
For the women around us and in our days,
Like Robert Burns, he once knew
That we love our lassies, though he had more than a few

When in our arms, they bring us untold pleasure
These are our lassies, for they are a true treasure,
We seek to marry them, it is said
For nothing more than to get them to ... wed.

They feed our spirit, they feed our soul
For many of us, they fill our bowl.
They care for us, they keep us well
Though occasionally, they make it feel like ... heaven.

They teach us manners, they teach us style,
For many of us, that takes quite a while.
They improve with age, while we do not
For that is clear, looking at you lot.

For the parcel of rogues, I see here tonight,
It is truly amazing, our lassies don't take flight,
For they put up with our habits, and we have all sorts,
Such as control of the remote and our preoccupation with sports.

For our lassies we would walk five hundred miles,
It must be because, of their feminine wiles.
Over heathery mountain and scroggy glen
We seek them out now and then.

But,
Tonight we stand, here in praise,
So join me lads, let your voices raise.
Prepare to toast, fill up your glasses,
Join me now, to our bonnie lasses.

To the Lasses.

[Gilvray]

A Toast to the Laddies

A lass without her laddie
Is a sorry sight to see.
Like a haggis without the oatmeal.
Or a golf ball without a tee.
Or a kilt without the tartan
Or which doesn't show the knee
WIthout a laddie for a husband,
the nights are long and cold.
We know this for a fact because
By Burns we have been told.
For all that and all that,
He says the man's the gold.
Wo if a lassie wants a laddie,
She need not search the whole world o'er,
But hust turn her e'e to Scotland, and
Find what she's looking for.
For the bonnie flow'r of Scotland
Is one that never wilts.
And it makes a lassie say with pride --
"Down with trousers! Up with kilts!"
Lassies -- Please raise your glasses now and
join with me in a toast --
To the Laddies!

[Gilvray]

Address To A Haggis (post Dinner)

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There sterts to stir an enormous wind.

The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
Stert workin like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin wi the sauncie face
Will have ye blawin’ all ower the place.

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A’bodys gonnae have tae pay
Even if ye try to stifle,
It’s like a bullet oot a rifle.

Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try and stop the leakin air
Shift yersel frae cheek tae cheek
Prae tae God it doesnae reek.

But aw yer efforts go assunder
Oot it comes like a clap a thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me, a sonic boom!

God almighty it fairly reeks;
Hope I huvnae *BLEEP* ma breeks
Tae the bog I better scurry
Aw whit the hell, its no ma worry.

A’body roon aboot me chokin,
Wan or two are nearly bokin
I’ll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile.

Wis him! I shout with accusin glower,
Alas too late, he’s just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
I dinnae feel welcome any mair.

Where ere ye go let yer wind gan free
Sounds like just the job fur me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's perty
Ower the sake o won wee ferty.

[macwilkin]

puritans will tell you that you need to recite Burns...

Surely you mean "purists", as Burns wouldnae be caught deid wi' a Puritan.

TOdd