Looking for a Funny Burns Poem ( Preferably about the lassies )

[Phil]

I'm not sure "Nine inch shall please a lady" is entirely appropriate for this forum. Here is one that is less racy but the images are hilarious -

Twa Wives
(Robert Burns)

There was twa wives, and twa witty wives,
As e'er play'd houghmagandie,
And they coost oot, upon a time, - coost oot: fell out
Out o'er a drink o brandy;
Up Maggie rose, and forth she goes,
An she leaves auld Mary flytin, - flytin: scolding, swearing
And she farted by the byre-en' - Byre-en: end of the cowshed
For she was gaun a shiten.

She farted by the byre-en',
She farted by the stable;
And thick and nimble were her steps
As fast as she was able:
Till at yon dyke-back the hurly brak, - hurly: thunder, rushing water; brak: broke
But raxin for some dockins, - raxin: reaching; dockins: broad-leaved plant
The beans and pease cam down her thighs,
And she cackit a' her stockins. - cackit: dirtied