a question for the dads

[KFCarter]

Do call him. These things are always hardest when dealt with alone. Let him know you're there and you're thinking of him.

best to you both

[Tony Miles]

He's not your Dad - He's your brother so no reason to bring up father's day unless he wants to talk about it - don't brothers call each other just to say "hey"?

[Aldisimo]

...He's your brother so no reason to bring up father's day ...

Absolutely right. I phoned him, but didn't indicate that it was a 'Fathers' Day' call. Of course, Brian came up in the conversation, and we both acknowledged what had happened, but I let my brother take the lead on that part of our talk.

My thanks to everyone for the discussion!

[ForresterModern]

Glad to hear things worked out well, or as well as can be expected under the circumstances. The best thing you can do is to call or stop by and offer your availability to be there should they need anything, same as when a friend or family member dies. "how can I help?" is the best you can offer.

I know because I was/am intimately involved in a similar situation. As a pediatric physician I befriended a 4 year old patient, Codie, and his mother, Caroll, during thier several prolonged hospital stays over nearly two years. Caroll was a single mother, and Codie her only son after years of trying, and two unhappy divorces. Codie was subsequently diagnosed with an untreatable relapse with rapid deterioration over barely a week, and I got to visit with he and his mother only briefly before Codie died of his disease 4 days before Mother's Day, 8 years ago. I was there for her the day after he died, along with the rest of her family and firends and several other doctors. The memorial service was originally scheduled for Mother's Day, then pushed back a day to the Monday after. I decided to send flowers to Caroll on Mother's Day, signing the card "With Love from Codie, because he would have wanted you to have these." Caroll knew immediately who had sent them and called to thank me. We became closer friends and 5 years later married. We now have a 16 month old son of our own, Carter, but Caroll has gotten Mother's Day flowers from Codie every year for the last 8 years, as well as those from me and Carter. And she will continue to, as long as I breathe.

The child may no longer be on this earth, but the parent still lives on, and always will be a father or a mother, every day of the year, especially on Fathers Day or Mother's Day or the child's birthday, or Christmas, etc.... Every day is a harder one after losing any loved one, but especially a child.

[Frank McGrath]

This is the first Fathers' Day since my brother's only son died. My nephew was young [29] and passed away of a heart attack. His girlfriend came home to discover his body slumped in the shower.

I know it's not a happy Fathers' Day for my brother, but I don't know whether I should call him and acknowledge the day at all. I don't want to make him more sad than I know he already is.

ETA: He was not just my brother's only son; he was my brother's only child.

I tried to be a good father to my own son as well as my wife's two kids. We went thru classes during owu courtship. All of this was to no avail. My stepson has not talked to us in years. My stepdaughter just got married and I was not asked to giver her away. She did not want me to do "fatherly things " at the wedding. Instead, I got to do a lot of manual labor before the wedding to set the area for the ceremony. And not even a thank you for my troubles. My own son was taken from me one Christmas and never came home. His mother thought better than to follow the court order. I had no contact with him for 16 years. We bumped into each other in a restaurant and reconnected. He is forrced by his mother to spend Holidays with them. Whenever we talk, his mother threatens to cut off any help from her. He just turned 31 and has two kids of his own. Still living under his mother's thumb.

I feel that I did the best I could in trying to teach these kids to think for themselves. Every fathers day, I try not to think of the bad things, but to think about the good times. I miss all the kids very much. But as much as I try to reconnect with the all, It won't happen. I feel for fathers that have lost their offspring. I have no site to visit, and do not get to see them anyway. Mothers day around here is just the same. My wife and I usually go somehere just to get out of the house. Celebrate the good times and let the rest go. Just thank god for the time you had.

Frank

[Bigkahuna]

After reading all the above posts, the only thing I can say is that I feel very priviledged to be in the company of such fine men. Happy Father's Day to you all.

[MacCathmhaoil]

As a dad, I'd appreciate the call.