Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in his car?

Took him 2 hours to get his family out.

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How can you tell if a fiddle player is playing out of tune?

The bow is moving.

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What's the difference between a rock guitar player and a jazz guitar player?

One plays 3 chords to thousands of people...

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Pat, Jock, Evan and John are up for the firing squad...

The Captain of the firing squad says, "OK you lot, you each have one special request before you die."

Pat the Welshman says, "I'd like a 100 strong male voice choir from the valleys singing How Green is My Valley please?" "No problem" says the Captain.

Jock the Scotsman says, "Can I have a 100 strong pipes and drums please playing The Flowers of Edinburgh?" "Of course you can" says the Captain.

Evan the Irishman says, "What I'd really like is a 100 of those lovely long legged dancing girls all in a line doing that River Dance thing?" "Yes, can do" says the Captain.

John the Englishman asks, "Can you shoot me first?"


Sláinte!