I know the tune - Used to sing it as a kid, but I doubt the lyrics were completely correct.
I think I used to sing something like:
How dry I am
How wet I'll be
If I don't find
The bathroom key
I found the key
Now where's the door?
It's too late now
It's on the floor
But it's a bit of a [prohibition era] drinking song, with lyrics by Irving Berlin? to possibly an old spiritual tune?
[Man:]
How dry I am, how dry I am
It's plain to see just why I am
No alcohol in my highball
And that is why so dry I am
Waiter, Waiter
[Waiter:]
What do you want? What do you want?
[Man:]
I'm just as thirsty as can be
[Waiter:]
What'll you have? What'll you have?
[Man:]
Suggest a little drink for me
[Waiter:]
Of the very finest soft drinks we have all the best
[Man:]
I don't know a thing about them
What would you suggest?
[Waiter:]
Have a little Coca-Cola
Really, it's a lovely drink
Percy, Clarence, Reginald, too
They will recommend it to you
Have a little Coca-Cola
It's the very best I think
It isn't alcoholic but you can have a frolic
If you take enough to drink
[Man:]
They are much too dry
[Waiter:]
Then how'd you like to try
Sarsaparilla, try sarsaparilla
Sarsaparilla ought to do
Rockefeller drinks sarsaparilla
And what's good enough for Rockefeller
Is good enough for you
[Man:]
Go and tell John D
His drink won't do for me
[Waiter:]
Then have a little glass of grape juice
It's the only drink to buy
Really, it's fine, simply divine
It's recommended by William J. Bryan
Eve'rybody's drinking grape juice
Ever since the town went dry
I've heard them tell, sir
That grape juice and seltzer
Is just the little drink to try
[Man:]
That won't do, I'm afraid
[Waiter:]
Then try some lemonade
A little lemon, a little sugar
A little vichy and a straw
Makes the very nicest little drink you ever saw
You ought to buy one, come on and try one
For it's the finest drink that's made
Drinks like this'll wet your whistle
Have a glass of lemonade
[Man:]
That won't do I fear
I'd like a glass of beer
[Waiter:]
Then have some Bevo
Have a drink of Bevo
It's the grandest imitation that we know
If you care for beer, it's the drink you should pick
It tastes like lager but it hasn't got the kick
[Bevo Girl:]
Bevo, have a drink of Bevo
Though it hasn't got a punch up it's sleeve-o
[Waiter:]
Those who drink it insist that a Christian Scientist
Could easily come staggering home on Bevo
[Man:]
How dry I am, how dry I am
It's plain to see just why I am
Oh, how I call for alcohol
And that is why so dry I am
[The Spirit of Alcohol:]
I hear you calling me
I am the Spirit of Alcohol
For let me assure you one and all
I'm not dead, I'm only asleep
Some day I'll come back to you
[Chorus:]
We hope you do, we hope you do
[The Spirit of Alcohol:]
When your laws are not so blue
[Chorus:]
We hope you do, we hope you do
[The Spirit of Alcohol:]
When you give Prohibition your shoe
[Chorus:]
You bet your life we'll kick it
Because it's very wicked
[The Spirit of Alcohol:]
Say to Mister Temperance you're through
[Chorus:]
That's what we'll do, that's what we'll do
[The Spirit of Alcohol:]
I'll come back someday
With a hip, hip hooray
Until I do, I'll give to you
A little cocktail that is new
Regards,
Rex.
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