Wife jealous of the Kilt

[ForresterModern]

My idea of double secret probation is not to sell your kilt, but to reverse all previous decisions made regarding it.

Or buying 6 more kilts and wearing them around the house constantly in lieu of jeans or pajamas-----kilt, belt, sporran, hose, flashes, ghillies, heck even the balmoral, and what the hell, put a feather in it just for grins. Walk out to get the paper in the morning or the mail in the afternoon, take the dog for a walk, go for a (carefully executed) bike ride around the neighborhood, run down to the quick-mart for a gallon of milk or to fill the gas tank, even wear it out for a round of golf, or out for beers with your buds, just don't take her with you. If you demonstrate that you will wear the kilt with or without her, maybe she will begin to value the time with you more, whether or not you are kilted.

j

(Sorry, sometimes the passive-aggressive hairs on the back of my neck rise unexpectedly.)

[ali8780]

The nail on the head, Jim. I am very grateful that I don't have his problem and that I am surrounded by much more accepting folk of both genders. Respect is a two-way street, isn't it Ali?

Rex (too)

indeed it is Rex

[MrLion]

... each relationship needs to find its own balance point. j

Thank you for this reminder, that's where I'm at.... keeping it all in balance.

[DesertCeltic]

Part of the issue may be that I am a complete extrovert, while my wife is a total introvert. My idea of the perfect dinner date is a table for two in the middle of Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras enjoying all the people and festivities going on around us. She would prefer a very quiet evening for two. Now I can tell you all we have done the latter many times, but have never enjoyed the former.

She realizes that I am who I am and handles the kilt wearing much better than when I first started wearing them. One of my son's even wears one from time to time. I don't buy her things, as that is not what she wants. I love when she wears nice things and gets compliments from others, but I don't get jealous and I know it makes her feel good.

The funny thing about the doctor or other people commenting on the kilt is that I don't even think I will get those reactions as it seems so random as to who will make a comment. The really interesting thing is that people at work don't even seem to notice the kilt anymore.

Bummer to hear about some of the limitations placed on other kilt wearers by their spouses. I certainly don't have those issues as I wear kilts whenever I want and makes me thankful and appreciative of my wife and her overall agreeable attitude towards my wearing of them.

[Zardoz]

I am Zardoz' wife Shelley....

Holy Cow! I couldn't even imagine telling my husband he could not wear his kilt anywhere.....

We went on a cruise out of Galveston and he wore his kilts the entire time. It was Christmas time and I gave him a sporty sporran to wear on our excursions so he wouldn't mess up his good ones. Everyone on the Carnival ship knew him by his kilt. Everyone came up to him and talked to him.

Since he has been wearing kilts, he goes kilted to my black-tie events. He use to be quiet and hang back away from everyone. Now he is the center of attention and can't keep the women away.

The only time I get mad is when he won't wear his Caledonia tartan kilt (my favourite).

He would wear his kilt everyday if he could!!! His first 2 kilts were less than expected. Now those are his "house kilts" and he gladly wears them daily around the house and to check the mail and walk the dogs.

Good luck to you guys!! You are adults and should be able to completely enjoy your style of dress or hobby or whatever it is to you. If she doesn't want to go with you dressed in the kilt, leave her at home and go have fun with your friends!

[ForresterModern]

Part of the issue may be that I am a complete extrovert, while my wife is a total introvert. My idea of the perfect dinner date is a table for two in the middle of Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras enjoying all the people and festivities going on around us. She would prefer a very quiet evening for two. Now I can tell you all we have done the latter many times, but have never enjoyed the former.

I have a suggestion that may help with this. Set up a date night for once a week or once every couple weeks, then alternate who gets to choose the venue between the two of you, with her going first. When it is your choice, pick someplace that may push her introvert tendencies, just a little bit---don't try to go whole hog or you will lose her first night out. Second time repeat that little push, and gradually increase with each subsequent night out how far you can get her to go toward your "perfect dinner". If you decide to try this let us know how it worked for you, or if it did not , why you think it failed.

Just an idea. One of those things I learned in a high priced people management course I had to go through for my job---basically the "how do you boil a frog" concept. Good luck.

jeff

[Jock Scot]

I have been reading this thread with interest and I am absolutely not going to comment on any of it! Apart from something that Mrs Zardoz has said and I think is the whole crux of the problem that you good people have outside of Scotland (UK) with the kilt. It seems to me, from the outside, that Mrs Z's observation that Kilt wearing is regarded as a hobby by many outside Scotland and therein lies the problem for some of you. I had not ever thought of wearing the kilt as a hobby before, but well done Mrs Z for that astute observation.

[ForresterModern]

I think Jock may have it at least partially right, with the hobby discussion. The kilt here in the states is not a common site and therefore does get probably undue attention. But I for one am trying to make it more of a regulalry worn (not daily worn, mind you, just worn regularly to events and on days when I would like to) item of clothing, as it might be in the homeland by a scot. However, as it is not as common in a man's wardrobe here as there, it is less commonly accepted---wrong word---less commonly expected and observed without raising someone's eyebrows than in Scotland. I wore nothing but kilts for 9 straight days in Edinburgh and the Grampian Highlands while visiting two years ago and got maybe a couple comments a day in the city, usually from other tourists themselves or shop keepers in kilt stores, and another couple a day from locals when out in the countryside, each admiring the kilt or my style and pride in wearing it, or just asking the tartan. But mostly nary an eye batted and certainly not the kind of attention one garners wearing a kilt to a public place here, expecially in full or even partial dress kit (even a tweed jacket and tie sticks out around here). If I wear one to work I not only get comments from everybody I know who passes me in the hall, but from a lot of strangers too, and at the very least some strange looks and turned heads, not to mention the folks who come out of their way down to my office in the basement to seek me out to see me in it as the word of it spreads like a dirty rumor. I seriously doubt whether that ever occurs to a kilted Scot in Scotland proper. So the situation is a bit different.

But just trying to wear a kilt as one might in the style and manner of a Scot, here in the states, is impossible without getting undue attention, and often undesired. I would not consider it a hobby, trying to wear the kilt as one would wear any other regular clothes, but it does stick out from the crowd, as would one if he wore a parrot on his shoulder and an eyepatch anywhere but on a pirate ship in the 17-1800's. And thus, I think, by my wife, and likely others, it may appear to be a hobby to those around us rather than an attempt to wear something different from "regular" clothes as if they were regular clothes. Showing up kilted at either a funeral or wedding in Scotland would likely not be considered unusual, more likely expected there, but over here would be considered distinctly and profoundly out of the ordinary, unless it was specifically a Scottish related wedding or funeral or one was asked or expected (say the longtime daily kilt wearer) to be kilted. But I would not consider it a hobby to some of us, merely a desire to wear something as daily or regular clothing that is not commonly seen as such in this part of the world, and having to deal with the reactions, good or bad, that result, even from our own families and friends.

jeff

[Zardoz]

Well, to be clear, my wife used the word 'hobby' because Bing used it in his tale of woe that prompted her to comment. She does not consider kilt wearing a hobby at least my kiltwearing.

That being said, we know a lot of people who's spouses are very intolerant of their hobbies! We know guys and girls who've been riding motorcycles their whole life who's spouse won't have anything to do with that hobby, we know a woman that's into some shooting sports whose husband is a scared to be in the room with firearms, etc. My big question for some of these folks is "did y'all ever talk about anything before you got married?" it's like after years of marrige they hardly know each other!

But Jock has a point, to some people the kilt is a piece of clothing so far outside their experiance, comfort zone, etc. that anyone wearing one out of the context of a Celtic event might as well be wearing a Starfleet uniform or clown outfit. But I would hope that someones wife would have a more "informed' and accepting reaction to their mate's Highland dress than a stranger! As far as a wife being jealous of the attention her man gets, Shelley had a woman tell her something like that at a kilt get-together once, she told the woman to "up your game, cleavege always works!"

It all depends on your point of view of course, but Shelley and I are continually amazed that so many couples seem to come to an total impass on something like a piece of clothing. My wifes only reaction to my years of talking about getting a kilt was "well, why don't you get one".

This is not to say we are in 100% agreement on everything we do! We have been married for 20 years, but have been alive as individuals for well over 40. We are not attached at the hip! We do a lot of things together, like Celtic events, shooting sports and renfaires, but there are some things we like to do that one of us couldn't care less about, but would not dream of telling each other not to do!

I don't give a damn about the big Houston rodeo, but my wife works it about 3-4 days a week for a month, she says "I'm gonna be at the show all day today", and I say; "You have fun!" Likewise while we both like Sci-Fi, Shelley dosen't like conventions, so when I got out of town for 4 days next week to Allcon, she just says; "Have Fun"!
This is our version of compromise, I think a lot of married folks view 'compromise' as cutting out things they don't see eye to eye on rather than finding ways to accept that they just might like different stuff.

[davidlpope]

But if I may relate your wife's reaction to something else. . . for example, if Bob suddenly started getting tattoos.

I really dislike tattoos, for reasons I won't go into here (no need to open that worm-can with all the tattooed folk on the board).

If Bob suddenly showed up with a large, visible piece of ink... and started going to ink shows... and spending time on an internet ink boad... and planning his next "purchase"... and people in public noticed his ink, and talked to him about it... and he spent more and more time and money on getting more and more visible ink... I can't imagine how I would react, or what I would do. It just might go along the lines of what you describe from your wife.

Very well-put.

Is your interest in wearing kilts viewed by your wife as a runaway obsession? In other words, "Is it always about the kilt?" Did you grow up wearing a kilt? Were you wearing a kilt when you met her and started dating? Or is this some new "wierd" obsession in her eyes? Does it negatively impact her in a financial sense? Does it cause her to respect you less as a man because it seems "childish" to her?

Has she reacted like this to any other issue in your marriage? If so, then perhaps she has a tendancy to overreact to your receipt of attention from others. If not, then maybe she is identifying an issue that the two of you need to address...

It's just clothing, after all...

Cordially,

David