British Humor

**Old Hippie** · 5th March 10, 05:15 PM

Originally Posted by greenman11

This joke is also great for early Triumph motorcycle owners.

It's how choppers got started. Once you've done unbolted everything that isn't working, what you have left has fewer bits to come adrift.

I remember the old "Triumph Point Tool" -- a matchbook. Use the scratch strip to polish up the points, and the thickness of the cover was sufficient for setting the gap. Plus, one had a full book of matches to set the bike on fire in case the damn thing still wouldn't start.

**Mr. Kilt** · 5th March 10, 06:15 PM

Originally Posted by Old Hippie

It's how choppers got started. Once you've done unbolted everything that isn't working, what you have left has fewer bits to come adrift.

I remember the old "Triumph Point Tool" -- a matchbook. Use the scratch strip to polish up the points, and the thickness of the cover was sufficient for setting the gap. Plus, one had a full book of matches to set the bike on fire in case the damn thing still wouldn't start.

What...did I sell you one of my old Triumph or BSA choppers??

**O'Callaghan** · 6th March 10, 01:52 AM

An old GF of mine once told me that Joe Lucas died in a motorcycle accident while on the way to visit her grandfather. I'm afraid my first thought was that his lights must have failed! Joking apart, I'm not making it up, and it would be interesting to discover if it were true. (Just to be clear, no-one told me that his lights failed)

**lethearen** · 15th March 10, 08:33 PM

Originally Posted by Old Hippie

It's how choppers got started. Once you've done unbolted everything that isn't working, what you have left has fewer bits to come adrift.

I remember the old "Triumph Point Tool" -- a matchbook. Use the scratch strip to polish up the points, and the thickness of the cover was sufficient for setting the gap. Plus, one had a full book of matches to set the bike on fire in case the damn thing still wouldn't start.

My friend just bought a brand new Triumph on Friday. He got it to my place to show it off, and it wouldn't start any more. Dealership towed the bike back to the shop and fixed the problem (dead battery). He just got the bike back this afternoon.

Needless to say, he didn't appreciate this anecdote when I relayed it to him

**Tobus** · 16th March 10, 10:42 AM

Dealership towed the bike back to the shop and fixed the problem (dead battery).

Do they not make motorcycles with a kick-start any more?

**Old Hippie** · 16th March 10, 12:11 PM

Originally Posted by Tobus

Do they not make motorcycles with a kick-start any more?

Yes, they do not.

In the big bikes, anyway. Lotsa dirt bikes still have kickers.

It used to be that if you had a points ignition you only needed just enough juice in the battery to energise the coil just enough for a single relatively weak spark. Get the engine going, and once the genny was turning you had full voltage. Assuming your brushes were in good nick, of course...

Or if you were a RealBiker(tm) you had a magneto -- you were even tougher if you had one without an impulse spring -- which meant that you could pretty much dispense with a battery altogether.

Then we got electronic ignitions, which get mightily confused if their diet of electrons is anemic. And safety rules that dictated a headlight that came on as soon as the ignition was lit, so as to insure it was on later. Then we got electronic fuel injection, which is a huge power suck with pumps and computers and crank-position sensors and electric injectors and so forth.

You could still use a kicker instead of the "Electric Leg" but quite frankly it's useless if the rest of the system isn't working. Harley-Davidson quit putting kickers on (though you can still buy them as accessories for the Big Twins, not the Sportster) for the stated reason that customers thought the bikes were unreliable and would need to be kicked.

We've come a long way in terms of getting the most efficiency out of the system (though I'll stipulate that a motorcycle isn't really supposed to be efficient...we can also get more power out of smaller engines now). The old Suzuki TL1000 had three onboard computers and its own intranet -- and was buggy from the get-go.

I like a little simplicity, a little technology. Electronic ignition is OK. I have a spare brain box if I need it. They're relatively cheap, though astronomical compared to a set of Chevy Nova points from Wal-Mart (a direct replacement for most H-D point sets). I have a carb, because it's good tech and it works. Get a tankful of bad gas, and I can still take it apart and clean it without having to pull out my cell phone (which I don't have) and ring up the "Bro's Club" (which I never joined) to get a tow truck out to haul my bike to the nearest Lifestyle Boutique where you have to look for ten minutes to actually find the motorcycles behind all the T-shirts, coffee cups and baby clothes.

I'd sooner bloody my knuckles turning a wrench on a bike, than sprain my little finger while programming it with my laptop...

Guess you know how I feel about THAT

:ootd:

**Tobus** · 16th March 10, 12:49 PM

I guess it goes to show up how-to-speed I am on new bikes. I have two Harleys, both 70's model Shovel-heads, and both of which have kick-start as well as electric. I've had dead batteries before too. No problem, flip out the kicker and go to town.

Heh, my brother had a '66 Sportster that was magneto only. I always thought it was great to watch his headlight dimly flickering when he was idling at stoplights.

I'd sooner bloody my knuckles turning a wrench on a bike, than sprain my little finger while programming it with my laptop...

You and me both! I don't trust a bike that I can't fix with my tool pouch (which stays on my front forks). No electronics for me, thankyouverymuch. I like carburetors (S&S Super "E", baby!), standard ignition, and no fancy frills or technology to worry about.

I love that my bike's oil cooler came off an old Ford pickup, my voltage regulator came out of a Chevy, and my wheel bearings say John Deere on them. That's versatility!

**ronstew** · 16th March 10, 12:53 PM

Why don't the British make computers?

They haven't discovered how to make them leak oil.

(Dad's MGB-GT left some oil stains at my place last month. But he lost FIVE LITRES of oil in the 100 km trip home.)

**O'Callaghan** · 16th March 10, 09:30 PM

The last bike I had was the old Suzuki GT750, the water-cooled 2-stroke triple. The kick start was too low geared to start the engine, even if everything was working perfectly. However, if the battery was a bit low, or if the plugs were a bit oiled up (commute on a 750cc 2-stroke in London traffic and you'll spend half your life cleaning oil from spark plugs), then you could get it to start if you carefully synchronised kicking the kick start and pushing the starter button at exactly the same time!