Scottish Soul Food

[Old Hippie]

DEEP FRIED PIZZA ?!

In a strange and unsettling case of parallel evolution, I watched a friend of mine invent such a thing with a kind of pathetic pride. Punctured of course when I directed him to the Internet. Shoulda let him enjoy it a little longer.

Anyway, it all started when he was faced with a classic Man Dilemma(tm): how to produce a hot meal when he was neither familiar with the kitchen equipment nor with the use of most ingredients, and the primary Food Maker was away on holiday. He managed to get the beer open, and reasoned that since pizza goes with beer, he should get a frozen pizza out of the icebox and cook it.

Deciphering the directions while moving his lips was my first clue that "Houston, we have a problem." Too many knobs to turn on the oven. He suggested the microwave. I explained about soggy pizza. He muttered and suggested cutting it into squares and putting them into the toaster. Beer came out my nose, I was laughing so hard.

"It has to be BAKED," I said. He rolled his eyes around the kitchen, on the verge of blind panic. Then he seized on the George Foreman grill, opened it up, folded the pizza in half, and slammed the lid on it. Voila! Re-invention of the calzone. Not too bad.

Flushed with success, he (some weeks later) moved on to a classic Man Cooking Experience(tm): Cooking with fire. Specifically, deep-frying a whole turkey. My wife says that men will cook if danger is involved. But first, we needed a snack. Out the door he comes with a frozen pizza in his hand, a "Hold my beer and watch this!" look on his phiz and 20 litres of boiling peanut oil on the burner in front of him. His wife immediately threatened divorce. They negotiated. She made some fairly stiff batter and slathered it all over the folded pizza to hold the ingredients in during the cooking process. Et voila. The re-invention of deep-fried pizza.

Perhaps one of these days I'll explain that boiling is really "deep-water frying" and we'll see what he does with that inspiration.