What if your wife does not like your kilt?

**ForresterModern** · 26th March 13, 01:33 AM

To paraphrase another's earlier post in this thread bit with an entirely opposite bend, I was wearing my wife (aka Wife here on X) long before I started wearing the kilt, and she now says had I worn a kilt even just once during our dating she would have dropped me like a bad habit. She has never approved of it, never gotten used to it, constantly delivers "the look" whenever I decide to don it and "the argument" whenever I suggest it as my dress for any given occasion. Oh she tolerates it for my golfing days, renfaires, kilt nights, and highland games, sometimes even accompanying me along with our kilted son (aka The Boy). She views it as an affectation to get attention rather than me wearing what I like and feel comfortable in, and it definitely makes her uncomfortable when I wear it in her presence. She will never get Used to it, never sanction it. She is full blooded Dutch-american, born here of Dutch immigrant parents, and she prides herself in that with all manner of dutch paraphernalia and heritage items (you should see her gardening in a pair of real dutch wooden shoes), but she feels she has the right to this because of the proximity of her heritage to her current status, i.e. one generation removed. My scottish heritage is by surname, along with a few other scottish surnames in the old family tree, but apparently 20+ generations removed from my most likely last scottish ancestor, and at least 10-12 generations here in "the new world". I am probably the first and only (save The Boy) member of my family to don the kilt in several hundred years, so she wonders why me and why now and why is she being subjected to it. All understandable.

What can I say, she does not like it, has a right to that opinion and feeling, and we have an uncomfortable relationship in that regard when it comes to me, and the boy, wearing the kilt when we feel like it. The argument never works when turned the other way, as I have never ever told her what to wear and when to wear it and would never consider doing so. Oh well. Just the way our relationship rolls. Sometimes you just have to get used to not agreeing on everything and keep on living with unresolved conflict, finding your own dynamic equilibrium based on your own personal situation and relationship.

Good luck with that.

**creagdhubh** · 26th March 13, 07:03 AM

Originally Posted by ForresterModern

Sometimes you just have to get used to not agreeing on everything and keep on living with unresolved conflict, finding your own dynamic equilibrium based on your own personal situation and relationship.

I love this sentence! Sums up a healthy marriage very well.

**GM445** · 26th March 13, 01:19 PM

My wife still refuses to be seen in public with me when I'm in my Kilt, that hasn't stopped me.

**TheOfficialBren** · 26th March 13, 01:40 PM

I can relate in a couple of ways.
1) my last ancestor from Scotland was several generations back, before my birth and died before my father's birth...70 years ago.
2) I am, to my knowledge, the first and only member of my family to don the kilt in the New World.
3) my family is of mixed heritage (English, Scottish, Cherokee, Irish, and German) heritage and so it does raise a few eyebrows in my immediate family but within my extended family (aunts, uncle s, cousins) kilts are (oddly) is more widely supported.

The first question is always "why *that* aspect of your cultural identity?"
To which I reply "why not?"

Mum is largely of English stock without a Scottish bone in her body. It is from my father that we inherit our Scottish roots. Mum finds the kilt amusing, largely, to my chagrin. Dad has no opinion other than maybe silent pride to see something of his own background taken on by a new generation.

My point is that I wouldn't let it get to you (easier said than done). If your wife can't see passed a few yards of fabric and apprexiate the person underneath then perhaps the problem is with her and not you. Just my tuppence.

Edited to add:
In my experience, I do not even consider a romantic opportunity if the kilt is going to be an issue of any kind. It is petty, small-minded, and culturally insensitive on their part. There are many, much more important things for couples to debate and decide than some tartan bits. If I had a wife and she wanted to express her cultural background, no matter how removed or tenuous, then I would, as her equal partner in matrimony, encourage her to do so. If she asked me to honour her heritage by participating, then as her equal partner in marriage I would GLADLY DO SO!!! Two individuals become one entity within the contract of matrimony. Therefore, what is yours is theirs and what is theirs is yours. If offspring are procreated then the bonds of familial and possibly cross-cultural connexion are further solidified.

I do know what I do want and do not want in a mate. Tolerance and acceptance are VERY high on the list.

I wish you happiness, peace, and prosperity, my friend.

**Eddie Batolo** · 27th March 13, 08:52 AM

Hi,
My wife loves my outfit, sadly, we can´t go to scottish parties as much as we would like to. The kids, and my job. As a pub manager and part time DJ/VJ, my weekends aren´t mine !!!!!
Cheers, Eddie.

**bonnie heather** · 27th March 13, 09:41 AM

What if you're a kiltmaker and your husband absolutely doesn't want to wear a kilt?

**Father Bill** · 27th March 13, 09:45 AM

Originally Posted by bonnie heather

What if you're a kiltmaker and your husband absolutely doesn't want to wear a kilt?

Contract with the Lilliputians to tie him down and kilt 'im!

**guardsman** · 27th March 13, 11:32 AM

Gm445 I guess you wear your kilt a lot then lol. Seriously do women really believe we always like what they wear ! To Bonnie Heather, how sad , for your work not appreciated by your loved one.

**tadyergey** · 27th March 13, 11:43 AM

I am much in the same boat as you. I am a mutt. English, Irish, Welsh, Dutch, German, Swiss & Scot. I lived in England for 4 years and spent a great deal of my time off in Scotland. i will retire there if given the opportunity! I bought my first kilt in '97, prior to meeting my future wife.

She knew about my love of kilts to the point I was married in mine. unfortunatly being back in the US there were only a few opportunities to wear it. To my knowledge I am the only one in my family that has donned a kilt (save my kids). About 2 years ago I started again looking for opportunities to wear it and went out of my way to find them. My smoking hot wife never had any issues with it.

Now that I am making them as a hobby, she is very supportive.

As for Bonnie Heather, I agree with Father Bill... Contract with the Lilliputians!

Originally Posted by TheOfficialBren

I can relate in a couple of ways.
1) my last ancestor from Scotland was several generations back, before my birth and died before my father's birth...70 years ago.
2) I am, to my knowledge, the first and only member of my family to don the kilt in the New World.
3) my family is of mixed heritage (English, Scottish, Cherokee, Irish, and German) heritage and so it does raise a few eyebrows in my immediate family but within my extended family (aunts, uncle s, cousins) kilts are (oddly) is more widely supported.

The first question is always "why *that* aspect of your cultural identity?"
To which I reply "why not?"

Mum is largely of English stock without a Scottish bone in her body. It is from my father that we inherit our Scottish roots. Mum finds the kilt amusing, largely, to my chagrin. Dad has no opinion other than maybe silent pride to see something of his own background taken on by a new generation.

My point is that I wouldn't let it get to you (easier said than done). If your wife can't see passed a few yards of fabric and apprexiate the person underneath then perhaps the problem is with her and not you. Just my tuppence.

Edited to add:
In my experience, I do not even consider a romantic opportunity if the kilt is going to be an issue of any kind. It is petty, small-minded, and culturally insensitive on their part. There are many, much more important things for couples to debate and decide than some tartan bits. If I had a wife and she wanted to express her cultural background, no matter how removed or tenuous, then I would, as her equal partner in matrimony, encourage her to do so. If she asked me to honour her heritage by participating, then as her equal partner in marriage I would GLADLY DO SO!!! Two individuals become one entity within the contract of matrimony. Therefore, what is yours is theirs and what is theirs is yours. If offspring are procreated then the bonds of familial and possibly cross-cultural connexion are further solidified.

I do know what I do want and do not want in a mate. Tolerance and acceptance are VERY high on the list.

I wish you happiness, peace, and prosperity, my friend.