As someone who taught speech communication for over 4 decades, I have to agree totally with your assessment of written v/s in person oral communication. Some studies have indicated that nearly 90% of the communication in a conversation is non-verbal.
Now, for some of the other. . . . the first thing is to look well dressed. This can be done with worn jeans and a "T" shirt. Just don't be a slob! The second is, be aware of the message you are sending. I have often had a student or students tell me that their dress sends a "message". I always asked them if they were aware of the message they were sending.
What I miss is the sense of Public v/s Private. What is appropriate for the "market place" is not the same as "private place". Politeness is what enables us to live together. (You said it well).
The value of the do's and don't's is what is appropriate for the market, or public place.
I really have nothing more to add.
Off my soap-box now.
The pipes are calling, resistance is futile. - MacTalla Mor
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